


Serendipitea

by injyunie



Series: Heart and Liver | 心肝 [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst in Fluff's Clothing, Emotional Constipation, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff in Angst's Clothing, Getting Together, JaemRen/RenMin Centric !!!, Lots of it, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Requited Love, Slow Burn, but they play a pretty big role too, i just realised that this is apparently slow burn, lumark and sungle are only side ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-06-30 05:13:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15744987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injyunie/pseuds/injyunie
Summary: Serendipitea-ser·en·dip·i·tyˌserənˈdipədē/the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.A story about a love that was never meant to be and was never allowed to be, yet they were glad to be together and to be in love despite how short-lived it was, they still chose to be.Alternatively: Jaemin and Renjun is Jisung's aspiring couple. There's something about the way they look at each other but never touching that pulls him by the heartstrings and makes him wish for something like that. Chenle begs to differ.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone !! It has been a long time since I wrote something, and this story, in particular, has been bothering me for weeks to no end!! This is supposed to be a oneshot but I don't know when I'll be able to post it if so (since this is going to be a pretty long ass ride) so I decided to make it multi-chap instead !!
> 
> This is the first installation for the series "Heart and Liver | 心肝" !! uwu

**THIRD YEAR::NOVEMBER**

Renjun knows it’s inevitable. This conversation is inevitable. He knows that they are bound to talk about it—with what happened with Xuxi and Mark, it’s something they can’t just ignore. It’s been on the back of Renjun’s mind since it happened—-leaving lingering thoughts of _‘what if’_ s and _‘i should_ ’s that overwhelmed him to the core of his heart, leaving his head aching. Not to mention, it’s been on the back of Jaemin’s mind too, he assumes, with how Jaemin has been acting. Their thoughts and emotions are never far from each other after all.

It would be a lie for Renjun to say that he didn’t notice the change with Jaemin—the subtle yet meaningful change, a change that said a thousand, maybe even millions of words that they can never say in fear. It would be a lie if he said he didn’t notice the way of Jaemin hugs Renjun tighter since—-their proximity lingering a moment or two longer than it used to.  Or like the way their touches would remain with each other longer, almost painfully so. Renjun notices the way Jaemin takes longer to hang up on phone calls, as simple and silly as it sounds—-almost as if he wants to say something, but _can’t_.

As if he never wants to hang up.

Renjun can’t blame him though. Just the entire thought of having this conversation— _just being in the situation itself_ —makes him feel like he has a rock stuck in his throat, rendering him unable to speak. His mind is just running in circles on what he has to do, what he wants to do, and what he should do. It makes him scared—- _terrified,_ even. He doesn’t want to go through this, if he could, he wishes he never has to go through this.

But he needs to.

For the both of them.

So he tries to swallow the imaginary rock that lodged itself in his throat with every second that passes feel like the dread in his stomach grow heavier. Each second that passes is just pure agony and torture.

He just wants this to get it over with.

He hears the familiar chime of the bell resound, for some reason, he freezes. He grips his cup tighter in his hands, the glass still hot, he almost feels like his hands are burning—but he pays it no mind, his thoughts are elsewhere. It goes around everywhere—Why the woman beside him is wearing green, Why do cafes love instrumentals? Why do most cafes have indoor plants? Why is the paint beige?

_Why did he have to love Jaemin?_

Jaemin sits in front of him, a smile on his face and suddenly Renjun remembers _why_. It isn’t like he never had a choice—but he walked into this love that he has for Jaemin. He knew what he was signing up for. Jaemin’s probably the last guy he would found liking—he’s too much of a flirt to anyone, almost at a fault. He’s too eye-catching. He’s too selfish. He’s too realistic. He’s too pessimistic about himself.

But also, this Jaemin is the one that remembers the trivial things about Renjun. The one that goes through the rain just to apologise. The person that agrees to watch a Disney/Moomin marathon with Renjun without any complaints. The one that supports Renjun with all of his ideas and never fails to show it.

Despite everything, this is also the Jaemin that Renjun decided to love—to accept in his life.

Renjun sees Jaemin extend his hands—almost about to hold his. "Don't," Renjun breathes out and Jaemin freezes. Renjun grips the cup's handle tighter and somehow, Jaemin understood him—almost instantly.

He watches Jaemin purses his lips into a thin line, he can see it in Jaemin's eyes that there are so many things he wanted to say. But instead, Jaemin says, "But why?" Renjun watches as Jaemin’s hands dance around near Renun’s—almost, but never touching.

Renjun wants to reach out, to hold his hand and tell him that everything will be okay— _that they’ll be okay_. But he doesn’t want to lie and give fake comfort to Jaemin when they both know very well what’s happening and what’s _going to_ happen.

_It’s so stupid. This whole situation is stupid._

Renjun hesitates, evading the taller boy's eyes. He hates how he can't hide his face from Jaemin. "This is your life," He sighs, almost frustratingly, unable to form words. "I don't," Renjun breathes out. It’s like all of the words he has ever known has disappeared from his mind, he finds a hard time looking for the right words—-if there’s even any. "I don't want to be the reason why you might make an impulsive decision." Renjun looks at Jaemin and it's a mistake.

Jaemin looks at him, eyes filled with—-filled with something that Renjun doesn’t want to acknowledge. Jaemin doesn't look at him sadly—-not even in a pleading way. He just looks at Renjun as if he knows that they have no choice—-that it truly is something they can’t help and he has long accepted it, but it’s still a hard pill to swallow. He has the look of someone who knows what’ll happen but is tempted to do something _—-anything_ to change the course of events. The way his eyes are glossed over is enough for Renjun to feel the pain—-to hurt, for both of them; Renjun wishes he can get all of the thoughts, the emotions that Jaemin doesn’t express because he hates seeing Jaemin like this.

"But—-"

However, Renjun also knows that if Jaemin were to say something—- _something stupid,_ like telling Renjun that they can still be together, despite his parents’ possible opposition—--he’d agree to it in a heartbeat.

So he won’t let Jaemin say anything.

"But nothing," Renjun dismisses him, sipping his tea. Somehow it's a lot more bitter today. For the first time in a long while, _Renjun hates it._ He wants something sweet. Something that reminds him of _Jaemin_ and not his shitty self that’s making horrible decisions in life. "I want you to walk the road to where you're meant to go."

 _Somewhere safe, comfortable, somewhere I know you’ll have a great future in_ , is left unsaid.

Jaemin is silent, his eyes downcasted. Jaemin doesn’t say anything, but despite this, Renjun can hear the silence and the loudness of his thoughts. The cafe is full but all Renjun can hear is Jaemin.

 _Please don’t say it_ , Renjun internally begs, hoping Jaemin could hear him, _Please._

Slowly, Jaemin's eyes meet his. Renjun feels his lips quiver. "Will you be there?" He says, voice barely above a whisper. Barely loud enough for Renjun to hear. Almost as if he doesn’t want to ask—-or rather, he doesn’t want Renjun to answer.

Renjun has always been right. The scary question isn’t “ _What if he doesn’t like me back?”_ , but rather _“What if he does?”_.

 _Yes_ , Renjun wants to answer, _I want to_.

But he can’t, so he stays silent---not trusting his voice---he bites his lips and avoids Jaemin’s gaze. He feels his hand quiver and he so desperately wants Jaemin to hold his hand and assure him that everything will be fine, but even Jaemin’s not sure. Jaemin who is always so sure of himself— isn’t.

Jaemin releases a shaky breath, he silently nods and Renjun knows that Jaemin understands.

A moment in silence passes by. The cafe is crowded but Renjun can’t hear them. It feels like if Jaemin were to drop a needle, Renjun would hear the sound echo in his ears---just because it’s Jaemin.

And because it’s Jaemin, Renjun remembers it all too well when Jaemin had first entered his life, almost torturing so.

Even if the memories hurt---even if it’s the one that’s amplifying the pain, Renjun can’t help but not regret it.

**FIRST YEAR**

Renjun takes a sip from his cup, savouring the feel of the slightly bitter taste of the warm tea flow down in his throat. He hums and sighs in satisfaction, the taste of the pure, chamomile tea leaves him satisfied. He glances around the cafe.

It’s a perfect Friday afternoon, Renjun decides. The cafe isn’t crowded but there are enough people around for Renjun to watch and observe--- _people watching_ , as he’d call it. An activity he does when he has nothing to do, watching other people do mundane things. Xuxi calls it boring, and Renjun can't deny that it  _can_ be boring to others but that's just how Renjun is---he'd rather be the observer rather the one getting observed. He taps the tip of his pencil on the table, observing how many different brands of laptops there are and sorting them in his mind while watching the people type away. 

There’s something about cafes that Renjun loves. From the relaxing slow jazz and bossa nova instrumental they play in the background to the smooth and rich scent of roasted coffee beans; Renjun loves it all, he enjoys the calm and relaxing atmosphere it gives. It’s what he can consider an ideal place to get inspiration from when he is having a bad case of art block---such as the situation he's currently in.  
  
It’s been three weeks since Renjun had drawn something. Three weeks of him staring at his paper (that is only filled with different kinds of lines) and going outside to watch at people---or anything, really. He has gotten to the point that even the ground is suddenly much more interesting to look at rather than his paper. He has been walking around the city---not too far that he can get lost, but enough for unfamiliar surroundings to surround him that might spark something inside his, though, to no avail, nothing comes into mind.  
  
He has already ranted and rambled on about his frustration to Xuxi, an old friend turned roommate, while binge-watching Brooklyn Nine-nine. Xuxi had nodded at his complaints, Renjun guesses he was only half listening the whole time, and he isn’t even mad about it---he has kept on repeating himself over and over for the past weeks. It was when Renjun had let out a loud noise of frustration from his room, that Xuxi had heard all the way from the living room, that he had suggested for Renjun to find a muse.  
  
_“A muse?” Renjun asks incredulously, “In this economy?” He scoffs, denying the need of one despite knowing that it's something that he probably needs._  
  
_“Yeah, my boyfriend uses his friends as his muse when he writes something for his creative writing,” Xuxi shrugs, “It might work for you too.”_  
  
_“And where will I get friends?” Renjun challenges, lifting a brow and crossing his arms._  
  
_Xuxi takes a bite from a Snickers bar, Renjun doesn’t know where it came from but he doesn’t question it, “You’ve already been here for two months and you haven’t even met anyone yet, you’re bound to meet someone soon.”_  
  
_Renjun huffs, “Of course I haven’t met anyone yet,” He whines, “Who in their right mind would stay in the dorms when it’s practically summer vacation?”_  
  
_“We’re here?” Xuxi states._  
  
_“Yeah, exactly!” Renjun states in a matter-of-fact way, nodding exaggeratedly, “This is all Sicheng-ge’s fault!” He sighs and pouts, “I bet he was just trying to get rid of me.”_  
  
_Xuxi nods, “I can see why,” Renjun gasps and throws the nearest pillow he can get a hold of towards the taller boy, “What? It’s true!”_  
  
_“Why are you betraying me right now?” Renjun exasperatedly asks, groaning, “You should be siding with me!”_  
  
_“I’m not siding with anyone!”_  
  
_Renjun gives him a pointed look._  
  
_“I’m just being honest?” Xuxi says, but it sounds more like a question rather than a statement. Xuxi shoots him a smile, albeit a nervous one and Renjun glares. “Why not go outside for a bit?” He suggests, “You might need some fresh air, you’ve been staying up here for so long, what would Sicheng-ge say?”_  
  
_They both stay silent for a bit._  
  
_“ ‘Good riddance.’ ” They say in unison._  
  
Thinking back now, Renjun can’t help but agree. He needed some outside inspiration to get his creative juices flowing. For the time he’s been going outside, he has done nothing but draw some still life drawings in his sketchbook. It isn’t some real illustration that came from his imagination, but it’s definitely something. Renjun wonders what Xuxi would do or say when Renjun tells him that the suggestion he gave was helpful.  
  
He’ll  _probably_ laugh, clap his hands together and say _“I’m the man!”_ , Renjun muses himself, chuckling at the thought.  
  
He feels his phone on the table vibrate. It lights up and Xuxi’s name displays across the screen.  
  
_Speak of the devil._  
  
With no hesitation, “What did you do now?” Renjun greets, putting down the pen and taking his cup.  
  
“What? Is that how you’ll greet me?” Renjun hears Xuxi scoffs, “No _‘Hello Xuxi’_ or _‘I’m glad you called Xuxi’_?” _\---Renjun rolls his eyes---_ ”You just rolled your eyes at me didn’t you?”  
  
Renjun doesn’t say anything, “Xuxi--”  
  
“-You really did! I’m innocent, okay? Why would I do something, man?”  
  
“Xuxi,” Renjun deadpans, taking a sip of his tea, it’s lukewarm now, “I haven’t even said anything yet.” His eyes roam the cafe again.  
  
He hears Xuxi sigh from the other line, “Okay,” Xuxi grumbles, “I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to a party with me.”  
  
Pause. “A party?” Renjun clarifies.  
  
“Yes. A Party.”  
  
“Where will it be?”  
  
“Somewhere…” Xuxi says, barely above whisper.  
  
“Sounds suspicious,” Renjun points out, “What’s the catch?”   
  
“Wha---what do you mean catch---”  
  
“The catch, Xuxi.”  
  
“Is it bad for me to ask my bestest best friend to come with me?” Xuxi fake gasps, “I’m not fake, man!”  
  
“ _Uh-huh_ ,” Renjun drawls, ignoring him, “So, what’s the catch?” He repeats.  
  
“It’s a freshman party---I don’t really know the details but,”---Renjun groans---”No, listen, Renjun, it would be a great idea for you to go out and mingle, probably meet some friends!” He explains, “Sicheng-ge would be happy to hear about your friendless self-making friends!”  
  
“Xuxi, first off, I’m not friendless, okay?” Renjun stresses, taking his pen in his hands and letting it hover the sketchbook, creating light thin lines, “Second, Sicheng-ge would kill me if he found out I’m going to some party,” He states, as a matter of fact.  
  
“But--”  
  
“And third,” Renjun stresses the word,”I call bullshit.” The door’s windchime resounds throughout the cafe and Renjun watches as two boys come in--- _the boys_. They---or rather, to be more precise, one of them---has taken Renjun's eye.

Renjun remembers the first time he sees him. It's during spring and Renjun has just finished moving in with Xuxi---tired from the amount of unpacking and organising he had to do, he decided to venture out the neighbourhood and found this cafe--- _Serendipitea_ , is its name. Renjun had first thought it sounded quite cheesy, but a great name nonetheless.

He remembers seeing this guy---taller than him, hair pushed back, wearing a suit, and he honestly looked really intimidating---cold, even. But when he smiled at the cashier, Renjun couldn't help but find him cute. He reminded Renjun of a cat with the way he smiled. It was when Renjun kept seeing him the following days that he decided to come to this certain place, a stupid reason, Renjun knows, but he's been the model of Renjun's sketches with how good his sense of style is.

"Renjun!" Xuxi calls out to him, snapping him away from his thoughts. "You're not listening, are you?" He whines.

Embarrassed, “You just want to make out with your boyfriend, am I right?” He states instead.

Xuxi is silent on the other line and that’s when Renjun knows he hit the bullseye. Typical.  
  
“....Yes.” Is all Xuxi replies.  
  
Renjun clicks his tongue, “Could’ve fooled me,” He slightly shakes his head. Xuxi whines from the other line. He continues to watch the boys as one of them looks around and the other heads straight to the counter.  
  
“C’mon Injunnie, it will be fun!”  
  
“For you or for me?” The boys order a drink, Renjun concludes that it’s their fashion sense that makes them stand out. They aren’t wearing anything flashy, but their clothes are enough to be eye-catching. Renjun feels the need to draw what they are wearing---it’s been a long while since he had drawn anything related to fashion.  
  
“...Both?” Xuxi replies tentatively, “Just come with me! It’ll be fun, I swear!”  
  
Renjun eyes his phone warily but knowing he wouldn’t be able to say no anyway, gives in. “Alright, alright,” He accepts the offer, the boys he’s been eyeing sit down and they talk. The boy who’s in his view smiles.   
  
Oof, he has a nice smile and a great fashion sense, Renjun thinks.  
  
“So, when is it?” Renjun asks before he forgets.  
  
“Tonight!”   
  
Renjun’s eyes widen, he splutters, “So soon!?”

“Yeah! That’s why you should head back now!” Xuxi cheerfully says, unbothered by Renjun’s surprise, “See you, Renjunnie!” Xuxi ends the call---probably knowing that Renjun would nag him for asking him the last minute.  
  
Dejectedly, Renjun groans, sighing, “Yeah, yeah.” He whispers as the call ends. He packs up all his things properly and finishes his drink.  
  
So much for looking for an inspiration.

* * *

Renjun waits for his hot water as he watches the electric kettle to boil. He shivers at the cool temperature---Xuxi probably fiddled with the air conditioner again while he was gone---- and wraps his arms around himself, snuggling at the comfort of his oversized sweater that Xuxi gave him (more like he  _borrowed_ from Xuxi and never gave back, not that Xuxi ever noticed). It’s only the last few weeks of summer and yet Renjun already feels the impending winter that’s about to come.

“Renjun!” He hears Xuxi call from the other room, “Are you done?” He emerges from the room. Renjun eyes him up and down and can tell that he dressed up---Xuxi would  _never_ wear something like this meeting up with Sicheng and Kun. He can also tell that Xuxi is nervous with the way he has been fidgeting with his sleeves that are folded by his shoulders. Renjun’s get up pales in comparison. (He’s silently thankful and hope that no one notices him).

“You dressed up tonight,” Renjun comments, humming in approval. “Looks good on you.”

Xuxi’s eyes widen and Renjun can’t tell if he’s frantic, excited, or happy. “Really? Is it? It’s not too much, right?”

Renjun internally groans---not getting what Xuxi is being too worried about. Xuxi is almost a whole head taller then Renjun and has exactly the complete opposite of Renjun’s build; Xuxi has strong shoulders and quite a muscular form as the result of him going to the gym (and probably genetics, as much as Renjun envies Xuxi, he can’t help but list the possibility). Almost _anything_ would look good on Xuxi.

“Xuxi, please,” Renjun scoffs, “You can wear a bin bag and you’d  _still_ look good,” Renjun points out, “And besides, it’s just a college _party_ _,_ Renjun stresses, “No one would care what you look like when everyone is probably drunk out of their minds.”

“Yeah but,” Xuxi walks back and forth in the room, Renjun’s eyes follow him, “What if  _Mark_ hates it?”

Renjun lifts a brow, “Why would he hate it?”

“ _Because_ ,” Xuxi says in exasperation, “He’s been to Canada and this is the first time I’ll see him again after the holidays and---” Xuxi looks at him in panic, “What if he found someone better?”

Renjun scoffs, “Xuxi, you and Mark-hyung have been together for how long? A year? A year and a half?” He hears the sound of the electric kettle go off and pours the hot water into the tea pot where a tea bag sits inside. Since he wouldn’t be drinking any alcohol and he knew that the party would last a long while (At least from what he has heard from Ten), he figured it would be the best to make his own drink.

( _“I will never allow you to drink any alcoholic beverage before you graduate.”_  He remembers Sicheng telling him on the eve before his 18th birthday earlier this year when Xuxi had joked about it,  _“Your parents and seven sisters would kill me.”_ )

Xuxi only lets out a whine in response.

Renjun, unbothered, continues, “There is no way Mark-hyung would find someone, so sit down.” He pours the tea into his tumbler, debating for a second whether or not he should put some sugar or honey—but in the end, decides against it. He tries to taste it first---without thinking--- and hisses when he burns his tongue. He scrunches his face.  _Bad tea._

Xuxi, like a scolded puppy,  sits down, “I just want to impress him, okay?” He stomps his feet and while Renjun knows that Xuxi resembles a baby, he is pretty sure that he becomes more of a baby when it comes to Mark.

Renjun leans against the counter, slightly moving his tumbler in a circular motion, hoping it’ll cool it down even by a bit, “Wow, you really love him do you?” Renjun comments, unrelated.

It’s cute. What Xuxi and Mark have. When Renjun first heard about their relationship, he couldn’t be any less happy for Xuxi. Even a stranger can tell by looking at them on how much they both like each other---Xuxi has this look of fondness every time he looks at Mark, the way his smile becomes bigger and brighter when he sees Mark laugh is unmissable and unmistakable. Mark, in turn, Renjun has noticed,  becomes gigglier and cheerful around Xuxi.

Renjun’s almost jealous.

There’s also this thing that they do that Renjun doesn’t necessarily know how to explain it himself, but he knows that deep inside him, he wants something like that. Like when Xuxi and Mark are in a room together, it’s like they have this own world of theirs and even if they aren’t talking---it’s like they are still stuck inside each other’s world.  _It’s weird_ , Renjun admits that he has never quite fallen in love to the point that he wanted to pursue it, so he doesn’t exactly understand what Xuxi and Mark have---and maybe that’s the thing. Somewhere inside Renjun, he’s curious about what it feels like---what falling in love feels like.

The idea itself doesn’t seem so bizarre, but the idea that someone can be so committed to something so fleeting---something so unsure---is strange. Though, Renjun supposes, what Xuxi and Mark have----it probably isn’t the type of love that’s fleeting. Given that Xuxi has liked Mark since his first year of high school and has been pursuing him since the third year of high school, that  _definitely_  isn’t a fleeting, high school romance.

“I do,” Xuxi admits, barely above whisper, “That’s why I’m worried.”

Renjun sighs. He puts a hand on Xuxi’s shoulder and looks at him straight in the eyes. “Xuxi, trust me, he’ll love you even if you’re wearing a bin bag,” He squeezes Xuxi’s shoulder, “Plus he accepted you even with your SpongeBob boxers, right?” Xuxi nods, “Then he’ll definitely still like you, alright?”

“Yeah, you’re right!” Xuxi brightens up, “I’m the man---I’m Mark’s man!” Renjun straightens up.

“Now that’s done, can I ask you something?” Xuxi smiles questioningly at Renjun.

“Again,” Renjun leans against the counter, “Why can’t you go by yourself?”

“Oh, that,” Xuxi evades his eyes, “Well, you see,” Xuxi reasons out, “Remember when I said it’s just a freshman party?” Renjun nods, “Yeah, well, having a freshman with you is the only way of entering and Mark is bringing someone with him---”

“So you’re just using me as a ticket to make out with your boyfriend?” Renjun says flatly.

“...Yes?” Xuxi answers tentatively.

Renjun purses his lips,“Unbelievable,” He sees Xuxi noticeably freeze in his spot—-it’s almost comical. Renjun hums for a moment, in a teasing manner, pretending to think deeply, “In exchange,” He grins, “You’ll be answering all of our groceries for this month, okay?”

It’s going to be a big help for his pocket money if Xuxi agrees---besides, Xuxi has already been paying his and Renjun’s lunch for the past few weeks, he’d probably agree anyway.

“That’s it?” Xuxi asks, he lightens up like a puppy, “Sure! Leave it all to me!”

Renjun snorts, “Rich people,” He mumbles in mocking disdain as he crosses his arms. He signals Xuxi to stand up and heads towards the door.

It isn’t really a surprise---Xuxi is training(studying? Whatever they call it, really.) to be the heir of their family’s business, after all. It isn’t something new to their circle---considering half of them came from old money. It just so happened that Xuxi’s parents  _loves_  to spoil him, unlike most of their parents that gives them a fixed allowance and enough to pay the bills for their dorm and school.

Renjun sometimes wonders if maybe he should switch to a business-related course instead as opposed to his major in multimedia arts with a minor in fine arts. He sometimes wonders if his parents actually wanted him to take the business route---Renjun doubts it, though. Considering he had seven sisters----cousins, really--- there’s already someone who is bound to take over.  And, Renjun supposes, he probably wouldn’t be as happy as he is there compared to where he is right now.

Pause. “Wait, What will I do while you leave me to smooch your boyfriend?”

“Mingle?” Xuxi says, though it’s more of a question than a suggestion, “Mark will be bringing someone with him--- _John_  or something? Maybe you can be friends with him?”

Renjun whines.

“Oh, c’mon Renjunnie!” Xuxi puts an arm across Renjun’s shoulders and Renjun feels small with the height difference, “You’re cute, you might score someone too!”

Renjun takes a deep breath for a moment and groans, “I hope I don’t regret this.”

* * *

Renjun is slightly taken aback when he realises that the party wouldn’t be held in the dorms like how he pictured it to be. He was surprised to see Xuxi leading him into someone’s home just a few blocks away. Xuxi mentioned something about asking someone---he assumes it’s  _Mark_ \--- about whose residence it would be held at; turns out an alumnus is hosting the party--- _something about a Lee?_ \---and it was supposed to be something like an acquaintance party, however, knowing how college students work, they wouldn’t go to a party without alcohol.

It’s tradition, they said, for the freshman party to happen a week or two before classes actually start. Something about meeting peers and unwinding? Renjun isn’t entirely too sure---he was only half listening to Xuxi after all, and it wasn’t like Xuxi knew the whole story either. So it sounded more like a  _he said, she said_  type of story with missing information all over. Not to mention, Xuxi didn’t attend the last year’s one so he didn’t quite know what to expect. Well, it’s not like Renjun cares----he only cares about drinking his tea alone in a corner somewhere while Xuxi frolics with his boyfriend to somewhere inside the house that Renjun would rather not think about.

Maybe this change in pace and environment is what he needs for his art block to disappear too.

Xuxi rings the bell and someone opens up for them, greeting and thanking them for coming---Renjun has no idea who he is but greets back anyways---and cold air hits him as soon as they enter. Figures, though. He’s heard that alcohol makes you feel hot---it’s no wonder it’s cold. Renjun warms his hands up by holding his tumbler tighter, savouring the heat it radiates.

Other than the sudden cold temperature, the party is exactly what Renjun had pictured it in his mind; different coloured lights, music blasting inside, the stench of alcohol everywhere, and the ocean of people dancing and moving with others yelling at the top of their lungs.

It’s so... _college_ , Renjun would say, for lack of a better word. It’s exactly how those tv shows from when he was in high school portrayed how college life would be, and it’s so funny to him how accurate media can be sometimes.

He feels Xuxi pull him by the arm, dragging him somewhere and it’s honestly hard to navigate through the crowd, but they manage---somehow. They arrived in front of a room and Renjun watches as Xuxi knocks on the door before opening it. Inside he sees a boy laying down on the bed and no one else---which is a surprise, considering how crowded the main floor is.

“Mark!” Xuxi exclaims, letting go of Renjun’s arm. Mark is barely halfway through getting up when Xuxi dives into the bed and attacks Mark with a hug. Renjun hopes that Mark didn’t break any bone---considering how big and muscular Xuxi is.

“Xuxi,” Renjun hears the sound of Mark’s muffled chuckle, “Nice to see you again too.”

Xuxi balances himself on his arm, “I missed you so much,” He says before smothering Mark with kisses. Renjun stands there awkwardly, not knowing if he should disrupt the moment. It’s sweet, really. Renjun sees how Mark also lights up in recognition when he realises that it was Xuxi, how warmer his voice happens to be when he calls Xuxi’s name.

Xuxi doesn’t seem to stop smothering Mark with kisses so Renjun takes the initiative---before he gets to see something he doesn’t want to.  Renjun fake coughs to get their attention. The two glances at him for a moment before a struck of realisation happens and began to separate---more like Mark pushed Xuxi away, making the latter whine---and Renjun sees the way Mark’s face tints red.

“Oh, Injunnie,” Mark laughs awkwardly, embarrassed. “Didn’t see you there.” He smiles apologetically.

Renjun rolls his eyes, “It’s nice to see you too Mark-hyung,” He slightly waves his hand. “Now, why did you pull me here Xuxi?” Renjun questions, moving his gaze to Xuxi.

“So you could have somewhere to stay?” Xuxi offers, shrugging.

“Do you really think I’d want to be here while you make out with your boyfriend?”---Mark splutters---”Don’t even deny it Mark-hyung,” Renjun says before Mark even says anything,” Both of you have been too pent up for the last months, did you know how many times Xuxi whined about you?” He points at Xuxi, Mark looks at Xuxi who just nods in confirmation.

“I,” Mark says, “I missed you too Xuxi,” He shyly says, embarrassed. There’s a beat before Mark is engulfed again by Xuxi, like an overgrown puppy.

“Right, I need to go,” Renjun says, turning around to the door, not wanting to see  _or_  hear anymore. “I’ll be in the garden or something.” He says, despite knowing Xuxi isn’t listening to him.

“Thanks, Injunnie, I’ll remind Xuxi later,” Mark waves as he flops down to the bed with Xuxi’s weight.

Renjun exits the room, closing the door behind him. He briefly wonders if he’ll have to go home alone, but dismisses it as soon as it came.

For now, he’ll worry on where to stay.

* * *

It was quite hard navigating a place he isn’t familiar with---not to mention with the size of the crowd and different coloured dancing lights. It was quite dizzying, if Renjun could be honest. He didn’t see the appeal of it---but then again, maybe most of the crowd are already drunk. He had sighed in relief when he finally found a place to stay.

Turns out, there’s a backyard garden that’s quite big in size. There’s a small fire pit lit ablaze to the side. It looks like it’s been abandoned and left alone. He exits through a glass sliding door and quickly skips towards the fire pit, not wanting the cold air of the night get to him.

He sits on the bench surrounding the fire pit. Renjun thinks it would probably be better to have someone here beside him---like Sicheng or Kun---but being alone is fine too. As opposed to the crowded party inside, he would rather much prefer to be out here in silence (even if the muffled sound of the music playing can still be heard).

It’s times like these where he wished he had a friend of the same age to be with him. Renjun had always been a silent kid---awfully shy throughout middle school and his first years of high school. He remembers only breaking out of his shell when he pursued dancing and singing---somehow along the way he managed to try new things like performing in front of a crowd and such. With that, he gained new friends here and there, but he ultimately still hung out with Xuxi and Mark. When Mark and Xuxi graduated, he spent his time developing his art---knowing full well that this is what he wanted to pursue.

Renjun wonders what could have been the possibilities if he worked on his social life instead---if he tried harder on being friends with his peers rather than older ones. Would he have someone right now sitting with him around a fire pit? Would he _even_ have to sit here?

It’s funny, really.

Renjun believes that there’s some cosmic intervention of some sort that brings someone to where they are. Could be fate, could be destiny. It could be whatever people wanted to call it.

But, in all honesty, that cosmic intervention  _sucks_.

Either that or Renjun fucked up somewhere along the way---not that he minds, really. He loves his Chinese older brothers.

Renjun yawns, the boredom of not doing anything but  _this_ is making him sleepy. But he can’t sleep because he still has to wait for Xuxi and who knows how long that’ll take him. At this point, he should probably ask Xuxi something else too in exchange.

“So,” A voice, deep yet playful sounding suddenly says, stopping Renjun’s wandering thoughts. Renjun looks up and sees a guy---probably around his age?---with his hair combed back to the side, but despite its now messy and tousled up look, it looks great on him. “What are you doing out here, drinking coffee alone at a party this year?” He smiles. He reminds Renjun of a Cheshire cat with how the ends of his lips are upturned and--- _oh, he has a really nice set of teeth._ Renjun unconsciously tongues over his snaggletooth. Renjun doesn't bother correcting him that, in fact, it's  _tea_ , not coffee.

Renjun raises a brow, “Who says I’m alone?”

The boy shrugs, “I saw you come in with a friend of yours and you practically beelined your way out here,” He flashes Renjun another smile. With how much this guy smiles, Renjun is convinced he’s either a toothpaste or a denture model. “You’ve practically been out here since.”

Renjun moves slightly away, “Creep.” He comments, “Do you just randomly watch people?”

The stranger laughs, “If that’s a creep then that’s definitely what I am,” He glances at the glass door in front of them, looking at the rowdy crowd dancing in that confined space. He looks at Renjun again, “I don’t normally see a cute boy who brings a _coffee_ to a party, you know?”

"It's tea," Renjun mumbles.

"Oh?" The stranger exclaims, "A tea person, huh?"

Renjun doesn’t reply, he uses a stick to wave through the fire and continues playing with it. He’s aware of the presence beside him that’s looking at him but Renjun could care less. Despite the awfully cold night, he basks in the warmth of the fire from the firepit with his tea in hand.

“So, Can I ask?” The boy says again, “Why are you out here all alone?”

Renjun bids his time answering, sipping his drink. He relishes the bitterness of its taste and the warmth it gives him.

“I came here with a friend.” He explains simply, not too detailed nor lacking in details. Renjun hopes the stranger doesn’t expect much from his conversational skills, Renjun really isn’t into small talks.

“Oh?” The boy leans into the fire. He’s probably cold too. “What happened to that friend?”

Renjun pauses for a moment. What  _did_ happen to Xuxi? He was taken by his boyfriend and went into an empty room, probably, that’s all.  _But_ is he going to say that to a total stranger? Not really. He really isn’t keen on the idea of letting a stranger know something like that---- _though_ , this  _is_  a party. He doubts that this stranger would even remember a single thing about their conversation---much less Renjun himself.

So Renjun just shrugs, “Ditched me.” He simply says. 

“Oh?” The boy says and Renjun can hear the playfulness in his tone.

Renjun purses his lips, putting the stick back beside him as he puts his arms on his knees. He looks at the glass door, the colourful led lights can be seen moving around in the dark space with silhouettes dancing. “Well, not really?” He says after a moment, “More like I let him leave me to make out with his boyfriend.” Not wanting to dwell more on the subject, he diverts the topic, “What about you?” He raises a brow, eyeing him from head to toe, “What are you doing out here?”

The boy laughs, “Am I not allowed to be here?” He smiles a shit-eating grin.

Renjun looks back at the people indoors, he shrugs, “Not really, I doubt you’d want to be inside that,” He nods his head slightly towards the house that’s  _still_ blasting music.  _Aren’t they tired?_  Renjun is really questioning the energy levels of college students. “However,” He glances at the stranger’s clothes, “You looked dressed up,” He points out, “Like you actually planned and prepared to attend this party.”

If he saw the crowd properly, no one---or at least, no one he saw--- was dressed as expensive as this guy. Renjun knows that what the stranger is wearing is from Gucci’s newest collection---which is expensive, to say the least. Renjun guesses that this guy is either from old money or is showing off---- _who wears expensive clothing to an event where they could possibly get puked on?_  Not him, that’s for sure---but this guy? Definitely.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” The stranger chuckles again, “You gotta dress up for your last day of freedom, you know?” Renjun shrugs. The boy rolls his eyes, “C’mon, don’t you feel the same way?”

Renjun purses his lips in a horizontal line. Was college really that scary? It’s college---and after that, freedom comes---but in a different way. Freedom to move out, to earn and spend your own money, to go somewhere, to work in the field you love. It’s surely better than being a powerless kid who has no control over your own life.

So no, Renjun doesn’t feel the same way.

Renjun doesn’t say that, except he replies with, “It’s just college, not jail.”

“Well, it’s almost the same thing you know---” The stranger’s voice sounds far away, “It’s like, that door to the jail. Once you step in, you can’t go back nor go forward. You’re just there.” He purses his lips, ”Rotting.”

Renjun doesn’t know what to make of it. It sounds far too personal for Renjun to know. Far too close to home. He didn’t know what response would be proper---if there is even a proper way to respond. He’s barely known the guy for a day.

Though, Renjun supposes, maybe that’s why it’s so easy.

Strangers know nothing other than what someone shows them. Nothing other than what’s being said. Strangers don’t have the complete picture other than a gist. Strangers can’t be biased because they know nothing, they have nothing to base their opinions on other than what’s given.

Knowing this boundary, Renjun doesn’t ask anything.

Instead, Renjun raises a brow, “Having troubles with your chosen major?” Is what he says; a general question, not specific enough to be uncomfortable---or at least Renjun hopes so.

The stranger hums, a smile playing on his lips, “Something like that, I guess.” He shrugs.

Renjun sips his tea, sighing, “Ah, It’s the quarter life crisis.”

The stranger snorts, “Quarter-life crisis?” He arches a brow at Renjun, as if challenging him. Renjun looks at him pointedly, mirroring his expression. The stranger lets out a chuckle as he shakes his head. “Can’t argue with that.”

Renjun shrugs, tearing his eyes off of the stranger, staring into the fire, “It’s not easy, but I guess you should find something you’re passionate about---you know?” He takes a short sip of his tea, only to realise he has already run out. He pouts, “It’s like fire---it starts out small, then you have to take care of it until it’s big enough to keep you warm,” He places the tumbler to the side before rubbing his hands together. “Warm enough until it feels like home.”

“What if you don’t have any?”

Renjun turns around and sees the stranger looking at the night sky, “Don’t have any what?”

The stranger turns at him with a lazy smile, “Passion.”

Renjun shrugs, “Fire doesn’t light itself, you know?”

“What if, by accident, it does?” The boy questions, eyes filled with intensity. Renjun tries his best not to look away. There’s something intimidating about that gaze, as if the stranger is testing him---challenging him to answer, one that will satisfy his question. In the end, Renjun turns his gaze away.

“Then that would either be the biggest mistake or the biggest miracle.”

And that’s scary---having something _burn_ when you least expect it to. Unlike knowing how or where the fire--- _the passion--_ -started; the mere idea of a sudden blaze is  _terrifying_. You wouldn’t even know about it until it’s there---when you least expected it. Most of the times, rather than not, it’s the most life-changing kind of fire. It’s the type of fire that makes people make impulsive decisions---sometimes for the worst.

Renjun feels a shiver go down his spine at the thought.

A loud laughter suddenly breaks him away from his thoughts.

“You sure sound like an old man, are you sure you’re a freshman?” The stranger asks, a huge smile playing on his face with his pearly whites perfectly visible.

Renjun feels his face grow hot in embarrassment and hides his face behind his hands---he can’t believe he went all serious in a conversation with  _a stranger_ , “Shut up,” He hisses, “I was born probably the same year as you are!”

“Oh really?” The guy challenges, Renjun peeks behind his hands. “I doubt that,” He eyes Renjun up and down, “Actually, scratch that---you look like a kid.” The stranger says---a little bit too playful. “I’m a 2000’s baby,” He made finger hearts with both of his hands, Renjun cringes.

“Baby my ass,” Renjun scoffs, bringing his knees to his chest, “You look older.”

The boy snorts, “You’re just short.”

Renjun gasps dramatically, “You didn’t.”

The stranger nods, “I did.”

Renjun, out of impulse, punches the guy by the arm---but soon regrets it when he feels the pain in his knuckles. “Oh my god,” He exclaims, wincing. He shakes his hands, trying to make the pain disappear. “What do you even eat?” This guy is almost like Mark---and although Mark isn’t like  _Xuxi_ , Xuxi is in a whole other different level, after all, Mark still has muscles more than what Renjun has. And this guy is either almost or exactly on Mark’s level.

The guy laughs at him, “It’s called going to the gym.” He says teasingly.

Renjun rolls his eyes, “Whatever,” He says, examining his hand. He can’t really see it clearly so he continues to shake it. “Anyways,” He says abruptly, going back to the topic. “I am a 2000’s baby too, sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh really?” The stranger challenges him---he seems to like doing that, Renjun observes. A grin is playing on his face. He seems to like doing that too. “Which month?”

“March.”

“August,” The guy grins wider, “So you _are_ an old man!”

“Ugh,” Renjun groans in frustration, “Shut up.” He places his feet back onto the ground---stomping in annoyance.

“No no,” The guy bumps his knees against Renjun’s. Renjun bumps it back out of pettiness. “That’s so cute--- _you’re older but you’re so small._ ”

Renjun groans in frustration as a response. “Anyway,” Renjun emphasizes, hoping to change the topic, “What are you doing here talking to me? Your whole get up belongs in there.” He jerks his head towards the house.

“Are you implying I look like I’d rather be inside than here?”

Renjun shrugs, “Well, for one, we don’t even know each other---”

“---You’re not wrong---”

“And I don’t know?” Renjun shrugs, pursing his lips, “Didn’t you come here for the party?”

The guy pauses, “Did you?” Renjun shakes his head. He could honestly care less about the party---he didn’t even  _know_ about it if it wasn’t for Xuxi. The guy rolls his eyes. “Exactly.”

“What do you mean?” Renjun squints in suspicion.

“I was practically dragged here by my roommate just to meet someone.” The guy sighs, “I practically got used.” He mocks hurt, placing a hand over his chest.

Renjun’s eyes widen, “You too?” Renjun sighs, flopping his back onto the back of the bench. “What’s with these oldies using freshmen like this?”

“Wouldn’t it be funny if both of our friends were the ones meeting?” The guy jokingly suggests.

True enough, it is a funny thought. But the chance of that happening is far too slim---maybe even for the  _cosmic force_ or  _cosmic intervention_. There’s far too many people---for Renjun’s taste--- in the party, far too many possibilities. As much as he’s amused by the thought, he doubts it.

Renjun scrunches his nose, “I doubt it.” He shrugs, “My friend came for his boyfriend so---” He looks at the guy, “Is your name John? My friend mentioned that his boyfriend’s roommate is called John---or something.”

The stranger laughs, “No, god, no,” He shakes his head, “My name is  _far_  from John.”

Renjun sighs in relief, “That’s good then.” He exclaims before an awkward---at least for Renjun---takes over. He doesn’t really know what else is there to say---or if he even  _has_  to say anything, he barely knows the person apart from this single exchange.

Renjun glances at the boy. The boy is currently looking at the sky, thinking about who knows what.  The only light source Renjun has is from the fire, he can barely make out the boy’s exact face. But looking at him like this, Renjun can see his sharp jaw and gentle slope of his side profile. His hair is looking quite thick and ...brown? Renjun’s not entirely sure---all he knows is that it definitely isn’t black.

Renjun wonders if he’d seen this guy somewhere. In a magazine? A commercial? Renjun shrugs, looking away. It doesn’t really matter. This is probably the only time they’ll meet. Renjun takes his phone out from his pocket.

**Xuxi**

u can head back if u want to

thnx for coming w me tonight

mark says sorry

i owe u

Renjun replies a simple _“okay”_ as he stands up, taking his tumbler with him. The action makes the stranger beside him alert and look at him.

“It was nice chatting with you,” He says to the boy, unable to hide his excitement of the idea of going back to the dorms. “See you around?” He says---mostly out of politeness.

The stranger nods, smiling, “It was nice meeting you too.”

Renjun nods back, not knowing what else to say, “Well,” He waves, “Bye!” 

Renjun can’t wait to go back to his bed and sleep.

* * *

“So, how was the party?” Renjun hears Xuxi asks as soon as he arrives with a plastic filled with food---the aroma filling the place. Renjun immediately takes the plastic from his hands and places it on the coffee table in their living area. The show on the tv all forgotten.  
  
Renjun shrugs, “I don’t know, I don’t really have a reference on what’s a great party or not.” He takes out the Styrofoam cases and the takeout boxes from the plastic, feeling his stomach rumble already at the mere scent of food. He takes his---or what he assumes as his---order and takes a pair of disposable chopsticks from the plastic.  
  
Xuxi flops onto the sofa, Renjun scoots to the side to give him more space. “Well,” Renjun opens the styrofoam, the smell of the lo mein filling his nostrils. He hurriedly snaps his chopsticks in two and takes it into his mouth---fuck  _it’s hot_ \--- and breathes with his mouth open to cool down the noodles. “That just means you need to go to another one!”  
  
Renjun scrunches his face, sticking his tongue out for a moment, “Who says I would go to another one?” He arches a brow. He adjusts himself and sits with his legs crossed. He blows his noodles, “I barely did anything there anyway.”  
  
Xuxi lifts his legs up onto the sofa and stretches his limbs all the way to Renjun’s space--- _“Watch it!” Renjun hisses between bites_ \---”What did you do the whole time you were there then?” Xuxi grabs his own box of noodles and chopsticks, opening the styrofoam container that contained chicken inside.   
  
Renjun takes a piece of chicken with his chopsticks and bites into it, shrugging, “I just stayed outside,” He says, swallowing the chicken, “By the fire pit, which is cool to have, by the way.” He adds nonchalantly, more as an afterthought  
  
“What?” Xuxi looks at him incredulously, “You didn’t even talk to anyone? C’mon man, what would Sicheng-ge say!?” He groans in frustration, taking a big bite of his chicken. Renjun feels sorry for the chicken.

Renjun fights the urge to roll his eyes. Knowing about Renjun’s not-so-sparkly social life they all have been doting on him ever since he started rooming with Xuxi, all of them excited for Renjun. Always mentioning about making friends---Renjun knows they are just worried, but sometimes they can be a little bit too protective of him. Sicheng, especially.  Both Kun and Xuxi knows that Sicheng and he are practically almost blood brothers with how much they love each other, so it isn’t a surprise to him that Sicheng would even task Xuxi for some follow-ups. Unlike Kun who knows that Renjun takes time, Sicheng is more of the worrier. He guesses it’s only because he’s the youngest among their group, that’s why they can be such worry rat.

Times like this, Renjun can’t help but feel annoyed and yet warm at the love he receives from them.

 _Well,_  it wouldn’t hurt if Renjun tells Xuxi about that strange guy he met, especially if it can ease their worries about him.  
  
Renjun slurps his noodles, “Well,” He says between bites. At the back of his head, he can already hear his sisters reprimanding him about talking while having food in his mouth. “There was this one guy who came and talked---”  
  
Xuxi move towards Renjun, a little too eager, “And? Did you get his name? His course? Are you guys friends now?” He asks, face a little too close for comfort. Renjun scowls and pushes his face away by the forehead with two fingers.  
  
“We talked but I didn’t get any of those,”  _Not that I even tried to, but he doesn’t need to know that._  “Besides,” Renjun emphasises, scowling, “I’ll meet someone once classes start, okay? I’ll be fine.”  
  
Xuxi deflates, “Okay,” He nods, Renjun takes a can of soda and struggles with opening it. “How was he though?” Xuxi extends his hand and Renjun gives him the can.  
  
Renjun bites the inside of his cheek in thought.  _How was the boy?_  Annoying? Irritating? Weird? Xuxi hands him back the soda and Renjun mumbles a small ‘Thank you’. “He was,” He tries to find the right word. He takes a straw from the plastic container and punches it through the opening.  
  
“Hm?” Xuxi hums, intrigued.  
  
Renjun sips, “Interesting,” He decides, for the lack of better word or term that he can describe what the boy was. He didn’t know much about the boy---nor did he strike Renjun with something. It was a short exchange---so Renjun can’t blame the boy for that. But he was, in some way, interesting for the most part of the exchange. Entertaining too.  
  
Xuxi sighs dramatically, putting the back of his hand on his forehead, “You’re helpless, my bro.”  
  
Renjun scrunches his nose, “I’m not,  _you hetero._ ” He places his can back onto the coffee table.  
  
Xuxi ignores this, unbothered, “But how was the party?” He grins, lifting an eyebrow up and down.  
  
Renjun looks at him, confused, “I told you, I don’t really have any reference---”  
  
“By itself, what do you think?” Xuxi takes his own can of soda and opens it.  
  
Renjun shrugs, “Okay? I guess,” He takes a bite out of his chicken again and hums in thought. “It was accurate? I think?” He states, unsure.  
  
Xuxi looks taken aback, “What do you mean by that?” He drinks his soda.   
  
“Accurate,” Renjun gulps, “Like how the movies portray it.”  
  
Xuxi suddenly chokes and coughs hard, and Renjun immediately places his food onto the coffee table haphazardly and scoots to Xuxi’s side and hits his back.  
  
“Are you okay?” Renjun asks in concern, his eyebrows furrowed. “What happened?”  
  
Xuxi places the can of soda onto the coffee table and hits his chest a few times, “Nothing, nothing,” He assures Renjun, “It’s just,” He gulps, “So typical of you to have movies as a standard.”  
  
Renjun gasps, “That’s not true!” He whines.  
  
“Bro please---”  
  
“---Stop that---”  
  
“Remember?”  
  
“Remember what?” Renjun arches a brow.  
  
“The time your sisters said that you asked them to buy a whole set of Moomin plushies when you were a kid, expecting them to move like the ones in  _Winnie the Pooh_ .”  
  
Renjun screeches, “I was young okay!” He crosses his arms, huffing, “Don’t deny you did stupid things too!”  
  
“I did do stupid things, but not like that, my bro!” Xuxi laughs, shaking his head, “All I’m saying is,” He looks at Renjun in the eyes, “You’re helpless.”  
  
Renjun groans, hiding his face behind his hands, “Shut up,” He hits Xuxi by the arm and he doesn’t even flinch. “Why’d you even ask?” He crosses his arms.  
  
“Ask what?”  
  
Renjun rolls his eyes, “About what I think about the party, is it that important?”  
  
Xuxi shakes his head, “No! I was just thinking.” Renjun lifts a brow as he takes his food from the table again. Xuxi plays with his fingers, a shy smile on his face. Renjun squints at him.  
  
“Xuxi….” He calls out before slurping his noodles once again.  
  
“I was just thinking!” Xuxi says, louder, “I want to host a party here!” He extends his arms out as if showing off their room.  
  
“Here? In this small space?” Renjun questions him. Their dorm is barely a quarter of the house they went to yesterday---there is no way a lot of people can fit, much less handle a party.  
  
“Yeah!” Xuxi nods excitedly, smiling from ear to ear, “It can be us Chinese Bros and Mark!” He announces, “And maybe John too? Mark’s---”  
  
“Mark’s roommate, right,” Renjun nods, “But when do you actually plan to hold this?” Renjun wonders, “Classes are  about to start.”  
  
“Oh not soon, man!” Xuxi slaps Renjun by the arm, earning a yelp and a glare from Renjun who massages the part, “You’re a freshman, you need to adapt” He states, shaking his head along with a finger.  
  
“Then when?”  
  
“When else?” Xuxi groans when Renjun stares at him blankly. “My birthday!” He gives a wide smile.  
  
“Xuxi,” Renjun tilts his head to the side, confused, “Your birthday isn’t until a few months.”  
  
“Exactly!” Xuxi huffs, smiling proudly, “That gives us a lot of time for planning! It will be the best birthday and it will be only the people I like in it!”  
  
Renjun suddenly feels shy. Xuxi isn’t exactly the most silent person when it comes to showing affections---for his boyfriend or friends---but it’s still flattering to hear that someone treasures him. It’s a cute side that Xuxi has and the reason why Kun and Sicheng call him a _fake_ maknae _._  
  
This is one of the reasons why Renjun doesn’t think he needs more friends---Xuxi and the others are already more than enough.  
  
Renjun, knowing that he can’t possibly say no now, resigns. He nods begrudgingly, a sigh coming out of his lips, “Okay,” Xuxi fist pumps the air in excitement, “But,” Renjun says, “We’ll plan it on November.” He says flatly.  
  
Xuxi nods, “Sounds great!” He takes his food back from the coffee table---they are probably cold now, like Renjun’s. “What are we watching by the way?” He points at the TV.  
  
Renjun evades his eyes, “Christopher Robin,” He mumbles, pouting.  
  
Xuxi is silent for a moment, Renjun glances at him before Xuxi bursts into a fit of laughter. “I’m telling you!” He says between laughter, “You’re helpless!”  
  
Renjun groans, taking the nearest pillow and hits Xuxi with it, _“Oh shut up.”_

* * *

Renjun finds himself sitting in the cafeteria by the arts and design building, waiting for Donghyuck to arrive with the cup noodles he had kindly asked him to buy.

It takes Renjun roughly a month to adjust and adapt to the amount of workload given by his professors. Xuxi says it’s always harder the first few weeks and although Renjun doubts this, he trusts Xuxi’s words. He’s given multiple activities by the teachers to measure his technical skills, mainly including illustrating  _something_  in both traditional and digital arts. To make a recent portfolio or something. Renjun slaves off day and night, brainstorming and illustrating ideas. It’s mediocre, at best if he could be honest. But a lot more bland as opposed to his works  _previously_. He thinks it’s still the art block, but the school doesn’t give time, so he tries his best to produce work.

It’s exhausting, but he should’ve already known that by now.

Along the way, he meets Donghyuck who majors in theatre arts and minors in music. Somehow in his first week in, he finds himself lost in the arts and design building and manages to arrive where the theatre kids are---the auditorium. He circles the place multiple times but not too far, not wanting to further get lost in the gigantic building. Someone, luckily, is able to notice him and tell that he is lost. The boy happily leads him back to where he’s supposed to go.

_“What are you taking?” The boy asks as he walked alongside Renjun an arm slung around his neck._

_“Uhm,” Renjun looks up, “Multimedia arts, you?”_

_“Theatre, duh,” The boy jokingly says, rolling his eyes, “Good thing you’re also an art student, it would be bad if you were in the stem or ABM courses.” The boy scrunches his nose, “The buildings for them is too far, I would never walk there even if I had a friend there.” The boy snorts. “Say,” He looks at Renjun, “What’s your name?”_

_“Oh, uh,” Renjun looks back at the boy, “Huang Renjun.”_

_“Huang Renjun?” The boy repeats, “You aren’t Korean, aren’t you?”_

_Renjun chuckles, shaking his head, “Nope, I’m from China---Jilin to be exact.”_

_The boy grins, “Well, Renjun,” The boy swivels around to face Renjun. He places a hand on his chest,”My name is Lee Donghyuck a.k.a. the best guy you’ll ever meet.” He says quite proudly. Renjun doesn’t doubt it._

_“Oh?” Renjun exclaims playfully, “Isn’t it the other way around?” He walks forward hitting the boy lightly on the shoulder. Renjun walks a few steps further when he notices that Donghyuk hasn’t followed him yet----Did I offend him? Was that too much? He silently panics, not wanting to accidentally offend the guy._

_Then he feels an arm sling around his neck._

_“Ah, you can be cheeky too, huh?” Donghyuck lightly hits his hip with his, “Guess I’ll have a competition.”_

_Renjun scoffs, smiling, “Then I’m the winner by default, right?”_

_Donghyuck pinches the bridge of his nose, “Ugh,” He says, face filled with mock disgust, “You’d be cuter if you shut up, now you’re just short.”_

_Renjun gasps, hooking his arm around Donghyuck’s neck, putting him in a headlock, “What did you say?”_

_“I said nothing!”_

_Renjun lets him go, scoffs with a proud look on his face, “Thought so.”_

_Donghyuck puts a hand on his nape, “Geez, so ruthless,” He mumbles, “Small but terrible.”_

_Renjun glares and Donghyuck raises both of his hands, “I said nothing.”_

_They both stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter._

Renjun’s thoughts gets cut off as he slightly jumps at the sound of metal hitting the table. He looks up to see Donghyuck with a scowl on his face.

“I swear,” Donghyuck says, sitting almost mechanically in annoyance. His eyebrows furrowing as he exhales loudly through his nose. “The only thing art students eat are cup noodles.”

Renjun snorts, closing the sketchbook he had open and pushing them to the side. “You mean like us?” He arches his brow, glancing at his and Donghyuck’s cup noodles. He takes his cup noodles from the tray---being extra careful at holding them by the lid, not wanting to burn himself---and places it in front of him, blowing the smoke that escapes the cup.

“Exactly,” Donghyuck nods to himself, opening the lid of his cup noodles without even removing it from the tray. He takes the chopsticks, handing one over to Renjun, and snaps it in two. “How are we supposed to be productive if we’re eating  _this_?” He angrily looks at the noodles, as if it had done him wrong. Donghyuck harshly mixes the cup noodles---most likely in frustration.

“I thought they have decent food here?” Renjun questions, tilting his head to the side, “I only order noodles anyways because I like it.” He shrugs, opening the lid. He waves off and blows the smoke. It makes the place even hotter.

“They do have food,” Donghyuck chews angrily on his noodles, still mixing it in frustration. “But decent? Hell no.” He scrunches his face in distaste and disapproval. “I’d rather eat cup noodles all day, honestly.”

“Oh please,” Renjun rolls his eyes, “Maybe you should try ordering outside sometimes, that might help.” He shrugs, snapping his chopsticks into two. He mixes the noodles and it’s soggy. Like how he likes it.

“Maybe I should,” Donghyuck slurps his noodles, “Hey, have you heard about the party?”

“What party?” Renjun raises a brow.

“For next week, I think.” Donghyuck opens his can of soda, he gulps. “Not really sure about the details, but have you heard about it?”

“Donghyuck, I’m really flattered that you think I’m that social---”

“---Nuh-uh, nope I don’t---”

“But sorry to disappoint,” Renjun smiles, mock sadness. “Do you really think I have enough friends for news like that to reach me?”

Donghyuck scoffs, grinning, “Right, sorry,  _Prince Asocial_ ,” Renjun bumps him by the shoulder, “You should try going out sometime,” Donghyuck suggests and Renjun feels a little Deja Vu happening. “Maybe that’ll help you get more friends---”

Renjun groans, whining, “What’s with people assuming I don’t have friends---”

“Or,” Donghyuck loudly emphasises, lifting his eyebrows up and down repeatedly, “A boyfriend.” He winks.

Renjun takes his soda and successfully opens it.  _Renjun 1, Soda-0_. “Who says I’m into guys?” He sips his soda.

Donghyuck laughs---almost mockingly so, “Renjun, dear--” Renjun almost chokes.

“Please don’t call me that ever again---”

“---Renjun,  _dear,_ ” Donghyuck emphasises more, slinging an arm around Renjun’s neck, “If there’s one thing I’m never wrong at, it’s my  _gaydar_.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, “ _Oh please, Hyuck_ ,” He scoffs, removing Donghyuck’s arm from his neck, “Having a boyfriend is the least of my priorities right now when I have a whole portfolio to finish,” He looks pointedly at Donghyuck, “And yours too when you have a performance coming up.”

“It’s a  _mini_ -performance,” Donghyuck corrects, “It’s mainly just for evaluation though,” Renjun stares at him, making Donghyuck snort, “What? Do you expect me to be nervous?”

“Duh?” Renjun takes a rice cake and eats the whole thing in one go, “You’re in college, shouldn’t you be the least bit nervous?”

Because if there’s anything Renjun has unwillingly learned from Xuxi, it’s that professors can be scary--- _horrifying_ , even. Renjun remembers as clear as day just a year ago, when Xuxi had begun complaining and venting out his frustrations about the professors and the school---and how they have an  _evil_ plan on not letting him graduate---in their group chat. He remembers clearly how he almost got caught by his own teacher on how is phone vibrated wildly---despite it being hidden in his bag.

(Thankfully his teacher that time was old and didn't notice anything. Still, it didn’t help the few curious glances he got from his seatmates.)

So yes. Donghyuck should be  _nervous_.

Hyuck chuckles, “Renjunnie,  _please,_ ” He grins, “I appreciate the concern but I’m practically made for the stage.”

“And so?”

“So,” Hyuck says before slurping his noodles, “By default, I’m going to do my best and I’m going to own it.” Renjun rolls his eyes, “What? I’m doing what I love doing, fuck grades honestly if they can’t give me a proper reason why I would suck.”

Renjun snickers, “You say that but you’ll still go to practice.”

“Well, I won’t have any practice on the day of the party, so.” Hyuck grins.

“No.” Renjun deadpans.

“Oh c’mon,  _Renjunnie_ ,” Donghyuck snuggles up to Renjun’s side with a pout, “It’ll be like our first hangout or something!”

“I don’t drink.” Renjun points out.

Donghyuck whines, “We don’t have to drink! We can just have fun, it’ll be kind of a stress reliever, you know?” He lays his head on Renjun’s shoulder.

If there was one thing Renjun found out about Donghyuck---it’s that he’s awfully touchy. Not that Renjun minds---it’s just an unfamiliar feeling since usually, it’d be him acting all clingy with his friends; but even then Renjun wasn’t the type to initiate it most of the time, usually only going as far as to slinging an arm around their neck.

This physical affection is a nice change, for once. Not that, Renjun would ever say that out loud.

If Lucas was a giant puppy, Donghyuck is definitely a smaller puppy.

Renjun sighs, shrugging off Donghyuck, “Fine,” He mock groans in frustration, “What time will it be?”

“We can go around six o’clock?” Donghyuck suggests, “That way we can leave earlier---I wouldn’t really want to stay out late,” He scrunches his nose, “The dorm manager is really unforgiving when it comes to curfew.”

“You have a curfew?” Renjun tilts his head to the side.

“You don’t?” Donghyuck raises a brow.

Renjun glances to the ceiling in thought,  _do they?_  He doesn’t remember anyone scolding him when he came home late the last time. “Not sure,” He answers after a moment, “And I don’t plan on finding out anytime soon.”

Donghyuck groans, “Lucky.” He pouts, then as if an idea had struck him, he beams. “Renjun---”

“ _No_.” Renjun shoots him down.

“I haven’t even said anything?” Donghyuck whines, appalled.

“You don’t have to,” Renjun points at his face with his chopsticks, “You have that weird smile on your face that spells trouble.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

_“I don’t.”_

_“You do.”_

Donghyuck grunts, rolling his eyes, “Fine, I just wanted to ask you if you want to sneak sometime.”

“Won’t we get expelled?”

Donghyuck winks, “You won’t know if you don’t try.”

Renjun whines, “No!”

Donghyuck huffs, “I tried,” He crosses his arms, “One day I’ll be able to make you break  _some_  rules.”

Renjun points his chopsticks a Donghyuck’s cooling noodles, “Just shut up and eat."

* * *

Renjun walks beside a complaining Donghyuck, in which he already tuned out minutes ago. Nodding to what he’s saying. He’s been complaining about how stressful and hard school has been and how the party _“better be amazing_ ” since he’s sacrificing sleep for this.

Renjun can’t even disagree with him---the past week had taken a toll on him. In between classes and finishing illustrations, Donghyuck and him barely got the time to meet up. They always find themselves cooped up in their classrooms slaving away---Donghyuck with his lessons and practices and Renjun with his artworks.

They both had agreed that they can use this party to meet up and hangout for a while---they only plan to stay for an hour or so anyways, both knowing that they need to rest and sleep to make up for the lost.

Renjun and Donghyuck finds themselves in a loft. The room is dark and filled with different kinds of purple and blue party lights. The party, from what Renjun could tell, is much tamer than the last one Renjun had been into. There are still some people dancing idly to the music playing, but there are also some people who are just lounging around, chatting, and drinking.

“I can’t believe they just let us in like that,” Donghyuck whispers into Renjun’s ear, “Like what if a serial killer enters?” Donghyuck comments spookily.

Renjun slaps him by the arm, “Who would want to be a serial killer at this time and age?”

Donghyuck shrugs, “I could be one, you would never know.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, a smile on his face, “Oh please,” Renjun scrunches his nose, bumping Donghyuck’s side, “You’d call me to help you hide the body.”

“True,” Donghyuck snorts, “You would fit more being the actual killer too.” Renjun tackles him by the neck, holding him into a chokehold.

“What did you say?”

“Please don’t kill me, I’m too young to die,” Donghyuck mockingly pleads. Renjun releases him, watching the people around them.

“Do you think we can get some drinks?” Renjun whispers, holding onto Donghyuck’s jacket.

“I don’t see why not?” Donghyuck shrugs before leading the way.

It doesn’t take long for them to find the kitchen---they see a group of people around the bar talking amongst themselves, they zoom past them and onto the fridge. Donghyuck opens it and reveals stacks and stacks of soda of different brands and flavours.

Donghyuck stares in awe, “Well, this person is very prepared, to say the least.” Donghyuck comments offhandedly. He takes a soda, “Want some?” He asks Renjun who tentatively stares at the list of options.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to get one?” Renjun worriedly asks.

“I don’t see why not?”

“This is some kind of criminal activity,” Renjun whispers harshly.

“That’s called stealing,” Donghyuck points out, ”A.K.A. something we’re not doing,” Donghyuck clarifies, he steps aside to let Renjun look. “It’s fine, it’s a party, no one will notice.” He looks around, “Hopefully.” Donghyuck whispers, making Renjun glare.

Renjun looks through the available drinks, pushing the others to the side with his fingers---since it’s too cold for Renjun to touch. He isn’t really craving for anything specific but Renjun doubts drinking soda would be good at night. He might get a sugar high and he isn’t really up for that right now. Suddenly, he sees something pushed at the end of the fridge. _Aha!_ He reaches for it---

“ _Milk?_ ” Donghyuck exclaims, an incredulous look on his face, _“_ You’re going to drink _milk_ , at a party?” He emphasises, glaring at the milk carton Renjun’s holding.

Renjun nods slowly and tucks the milk carton away to shield it from Donghyuck glares, “Yeah?” He looks around, “Are we not allowed to?” He closes the door of the fridge.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck deadpans, “ _We’re at a party._ ” He states.

“Yeah?” Renjun tilts his head to the side, confused, “I know?” He takes the straw that's at the back of it and pulls the flaps, poking a straw into the opening. He sips on it, looking at Donghyuck who’s still staring at him like he’s a madman.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “Nevermind,” He pulls Renjun closer by slinging his arm onto the other’s neck, “Let’s go look somewhere to hang, you big baby.”

Renjun whines, poking Donghyuck, “If there’s a baby between the two of us, that would be you, _drama queen_.”

Donghyuck gasps, dramatically as per usual, in a fake offence. He turns up his nose, “ _At least_ , I’m not short.” He huffs, a smirk on his face. Renjun rolls his eyes and lightly elbows him by the stomach---making Donghyuck dramatically gasp in pain. “ _And not terrible._ ” He adds. Renjun believes him for a moment before laughing, he figures that Donghyuck’s probably on the top of his class with how _good_ Donghyuck is.

“Who’s the big baby now?” Renjun arches a brow, walking away as Donghyuck whines.

Somewhere in the room, they luckily find an unoccupied couch and immediately claimed it as theirs. As soon as they sat down, they began discussing the activities they had done throughout the week, most of which are just complaining for the sake of complaining.

Renjun talks about how he had to stick to drawing still life for the most part of the portfolio and how he feels that what he did wasn’t up to his standards while Donghyuck complains about how uncooperative his classmates were being.

“Sometimes it makes me wonder why I even took this major,” Donghyuck sips his soda, “It’s not hard for the most part because I like doing it but, “ He looks at Renjun pointedly, “I sometimes wonder if it would’ve been better if I took something---like _culinary_ , like my dad, you know?” He says offhandedly, “I mean my mum is a theatre-music person and my dad is a culinary type of guy, sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I followed my dad’s steps instead.”

Renjun shrugs, “I think about that too,” He tucks his knees to his chest, “My family runs a museum and I sometimes wonder what it would be like to work at it rather than work for the pieces in it.” He sips his milk.

“I actually know people, who are kind of like us?” Donghyuck says after a moment, “But as far as I remember---I don’t really hear from them much---they pursued whatever their parents made them do,” He sips his soda again---only to realise that he ran out and frowns, “Which is kind of sad, if you think about it so I guess we should just be more thankful.”

Renjun nods, sipping his milk to the last drop. “Yeah.”

“After this, we can just hope that we won’t be able to meet any of our professors or shitty classmates anyways.” Donghyuck scrunches his nose.

“Now that’s a motivation,” Renjun laughs, “I’d be thankful to be able to draw and illustrate in my own time again.”

“Exactly, I mean---” Donghyuck is cut short when someone calls him, Renjun doesn’t know who the person is but he’s _clearly_ older. Donghyuck looks in surprise before turning back to Renjun, “He’s a senior who’s been helping me lately.” He speaks with amazement in his voice, “I’ll be right back okay?”

“Actually,” Renjun says, ”I’ll roam around for a while, should I just text you?”

“Yeah sure, that’ll work,” Donghyuck nods, “Sorry Renjunnie.”

Renjun scrunches his nose, “It’s fine, it’s not like you’ll leave me here alone.”

Donghyuck lights up as if an idea had struck him, “You know---”

“Leave me here alone and I swear your body is the one that needs hiding.” Renjun deadpans but Donghyuck is already walking away.

“Love you!” He sends Renjun flying kisses in which Renjun just rolls his eyes at.

Renjun roams around the loft---mainly to find a proper rubbish bin to throw his empty milk carton. After roaming around and moving through people---Donghyuck had seen him twice already---he places the empty milk carton on a table where the other empty cans and silently apologises to whoever is hosting the party. Poor guy might have to clean the whole place up.

Renjun roams around once more before enters the balcony---feeling the cold air hit him. He mentally pats himself at the back for wearing a warm yet fashionable jacket, indeed ready for the cold night he had foreseen to face. He notices someone on the other side of the balcony, his side profile familiar---as if Renjun has seen him somewhere. He’s leaning onto the railing, staring at the view of houses and apartments beneath them. Someone opens the sliding door behind Renjun and walked towards the guy. He watches them exchange a few words before the other guy leaves---albeit a little bit in a hurry in Renjun’s opinion.

“Hey.” He hears a voice from his side, he looks and jumps slightly---suddenly face to face with the guy, a cheesy smile on his face. Now that Renjun is able to see him clearly notices that his hair is swept to the side and is in a shade of brown that reminds Renjun of _latte_. He’s wearing a much more casual attire---a pink and white sweatshirt.

“Oh,” Renjun suddenly remember, “Not-John, right?” He tilts his head to the side, unsure.

The guy snorts, “Yep, that’s me.” He leans against the railing. “Got ditched again?”

Renjun chuckles to himself, shaking his head, “Not this time, no.” He answers, looking at the view---or lack thereof. After that, they are engulfed by silence, not as awkward as the first time they met---thankfully so, but still a little bit too uncomfortable for Renjun’s liking. Not that he expected any better.

“Hey tea boy.” The deep voice calls to him.

Renjun looks at him, confused with his eyebrows furrowed. “Tea boy?”

“It’s a fitting nickname---” _Not-John_ looks at his empty hands that are holding onto the railing, “No tea this time?”

Renjun shakes his head, “We don’t plan to stay very long today.” He then sees something move from the stranger’s ears. _Is that…?_ Renjun excitedly touches the earring in awe. “You have piercings?”

The stranger chuckles. Renjun realises what he’s done and immediately steps back, embarrassed. He feels heat creeping up his face.

“Sorry,” He rubs the back of his neck, “Didn’t mean to do that.”

Not-John laughs, waving his hand, “It’s fine,” He sets his arms on the railings again before glancing at Renjun. “The first time you’ve seen one?”

Renjun shakes his head, “Not really, my best friend has one,” He pulls his sleeves down, making sure it covers his hands before he holds onto the railings. “The one who ditched me?” Not-John nods, “Yeah, he barely wears his though.”

The guy hums, “Do you want one?” He asks, he arches a brow.

Renjun scrunches his nose, “Nah, not really my thing,” He crosses his arms, still leaning against the railings. “When did you get it?”

“Hm?” The guy glances at Renjun for a moment before looking away, “It’s a pretty recent development---I got it with my best friend.”

“Oh?” Renjun tilts his head to the side, “I assume that’s also what happened with your hair?”

The stranger touches his bangs, getting a few strands and looking at them. “Does it look weird?”

Renjun shrugs, “Not really? It suits you.” Renjun yawns, placing a hand on his mouth. “Is that a recent development too?”

The stranger chuckles, “Yeah, had to dye it for a new shoot---a new look, you know?” He simpers.

Renjun stares at him, “A shoot?” He repeats. “What do you mean by that? Are you some kind of model or something?”

The stranger stares at him before snickering and giving him a cheesy, wide smile. “If you don’t know, it’s better it stays like that.” He winks.

Renjun furrows his brows, “What does that even mean?”

Not-John just shrugs with a sly simper on his face before redirecting his gaze elsewhere. Feeling that the stranger doesn’t want to say anything anymore about the matter, Renjun leaves it at that.

“What about you?” Renjun says abruptly. The stranger hums.

“What about me?”

Renjun clears his throat, “I mean,” He glances at the party behind them, “Got ditched again by your roommate?”

The stranger chuckles, “No, not this time,” He mirrors what Renjun said earlier, a cheesy grin on his face, “I came by myself.” After a moment, he says, “Well, not exactly.”

This piques Renjun’s curiosity, “Oh?” Is the only thing he says, tilting his head to the side.

The stranger turns his body towards Renjun, leaning onto the railing with an elbow, “Remember my best friend? The one I mentioned earlier?” Renjun nods, “Yeah, he’s the one hosting this party.”

Renjun’s eyes widen, taken aback. “Where is he?”

“Something happened, he had to leave,” The guy purses his lips. “Now I’m in charge of this,” He motions to the door, “Mess.”

Renjun laughs softly, mostly to himself. “Sounds like you’re unwilling.”

The stranger shrugs, “I didn’t want to attend in the first place.”

Renjun tilts his head to the side. “Then why did you?”

“Why did you?” The guy asks back, a grin on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“No offence,” The guy looks at Renjun up and down, ”But you don’t really look like the type to go to parties.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, a smile playing on his face, “Then what do I look like?” Renjun challenges with a brow arched.

The stranger looks at Renjun carefully, “You look like a good boy.” He says after a moment, almost teasingly.

“How would you know?” Renjun juts his bottom lip, crossing his arms.

“It’s because you’re short,” Renjun smacks him by the arm, “Short _but terrible_ ,” He holds the railing with both of his hands, tilting his head up to look at the sky. “You look like the type who’d still drink milk at eighteen.” He glances at Renjun, “Do you?”

Renjun evades his eyes, feeling heat run up his face. He can somehow hear a tiny Xuxi in his head laughing at him.

“No.” He says.

The stranger’s smiles wider, “You do, don’t you?” Renjun doesn’t answer. The stranger gives out a rambunctious laugh. “That’s so _childish.”_ Renjun is almost offended if it weren’t for the playful tone the guy had. It _slightly_ calms Renjun’s impulse to put the guy into a chokehold—-or punch him in the face.

“Shut up,” Renjun mumbles instead, “You probably drink too.”

The guy shakes his head, “Sorry but I’m lactose intolerant.” Renjun pouts.

“That’s true though,” Renjun says abruptly, redirecting the subject, “I’d rather be at home right now, sleeping than party.” He scrunches his nose, huffing, “But I’m a great friend so I came.”

“Same here,” The guy smiles, “I mean even _Jeno_ \---my friend---doesn’t like parties, so he didn’t want to suffer alone.”

This confuses Renjun. “Then why’d he host a party?”

The guy scoffs, “He’s an idiot.”

“You’re one too.” Renjun bumps his shoulders lightly with the guy who returns it.

“I hope you mean the good type of idiot.”

Renjun scrunches his nose, looking at the guy up and down---as if judging him. “I don’t think so.”

“And yet you’re still here.” He smirks, an eyebrow raised.

Renjun juts his tongue out, “Not like I have much choice.” Renjun feels his phone vibrate from his pocket. He scoops it out and sees that Donghyuck’s texts displayed on the screen.

**Donghyuck**

renjun

i swear

if i hear despacito played 1 more time im gonna start thinking abt ditching theatre and be a serial killer

hide the body for me

Renjun sighs, already hearing Donghyuck complain about the ‘horrible’ music choice. Renjun thinks that, if possible, the only artist that Donghyuck will ever listen to on repeat without complaint is probably _Michael Jackson_ or _The Jackson V---_ but then again, Donghyuck’s taste in music is pretty much anything that he likes, unless it’s on repeat against his will.

Renjun shuts his phone, the screen dimming. _Then again_ , this could be Donghyuck’s way of asking him to walk back to the dormitory already. If so, Renjun can’t blame him. They were already tired in the first place and all these just made them more exhausted.

“I take back what I said,” Renjun says, taking the guy’s attention back to him, “I have a choice now,” He waves his phone, smiling, “Good luck with cleaning up the mess.”

The guy lets out a whine that oddly reminds Renjun of a sad puppy, “Please,” He rolls his eyes, “Don’t remind me.”

Renjun shrugs, unbothered, sliding the door to the side.

“Hey,” The guy calls out making Renjun turn around, “What’s your name?”

Renjun raises a brow, “Why should I tell you?”

“We already met twice, it wouldn’t hurt to know your name.” The guy smiles.

“It does actually,” Renjun crosses his arms, “Ever heard of _‘Stranger Danger’_?”

“Yes, but ever heard of _‘Strangers are just friends who you haven’t met yet’_?” The guy crosses his arms, a sardonic smile on his face.

“Well, have you ever watched _Berlin Syndrome_?” Renjun scoffs, “She gets kidnapped by someone she met once.” Renjun deadpans.

The guy rolls his eyes, “Ever watched _500 days of summer_? Strangers might be blessings in disguise you know.” He winks, making Renjun cringe internally.

“Fine,” The stranger lights up, “But only,” Renjun states, “If we see each other again.”

The guy rolls his eyes _again_ , Renjun convinced he probably has an eye problem of some sort. “Fine.” He smiles, lazily waving with a hand.

With that, Renjun turns around and leaves to meet Donghyuck. He zooms past the crowd, not paying attention to most of them until he sees Donghyuck who’s standing by the door fiddling with his phone. Donghyuck seems to have felt his presence and nods at him before opening the door and leading Renjun outside the loft.

“ _God_ ,” Donghyuck exclaims as soon as they’re out, “I never knew socialising would be _so_ exhausting.” He yawns.

“What did that friend of yours called you for?” Renjun questions instead, yawning behind his hand.

“Something about a writer needing to talk to a theatre student as a reference for his story? Or something,” Donghyuck shrugs in a way that said _‘i-don’t-really-care’_ , “I honestly don’t want to, but Johnny said that the writer guy---”

“Writer guy? Seriously?” Renjun gives him and incredulous look.

“Hey! I forgot his name okay!” Donghyuck huffs, rolling his eyes, “That’s not even important---the important thing is, the guy will give me free meals every time we meet up.” Donghyuck crosses his arms, almost proudly.

“And that’s why you accepted, am I right?” Renjun clarifies, though he already knows the answer.

Donghyuck scoffs, “Of course!” He says in a ‘ _duh_ ’ way, rolling his eyes. “Who says no to free food?”

Renjun scrunches his nose, “Yeah yeah,” He says. Suddenly his eyes widen, an idea struck him. “Do you think you can do my homework---”

“ _No_ ,” Donghyuck deadpans, “I don’t want to and besides,” He shoves his hands inside the pocket of his jacket, “You’d only order Chinese takeout.”

“That’s only a bonus!” Renjun smiles brightly, unbothered.

“Oh really now?” Donghyuck eyes him almost warily, unconvinced.

“Yeah, the real prize is being able to hang out with me!” Renjun gives him a mocking, extra sweet smile. Donghyuck groans, bumping him by the shoulders---a little too hard that Renjun almost trips, making the smaller boy glare at him, pouting.

“Why would I want to see your face more than I already do?” He says in mock distaste, huffing, “What about you though?” He questions, “What took you so long?”

Renjun hums,“I was too entertained.” A smile plays on his face.

“Entertained?” Donghyuck’s eyes widen in surprise. Renjun practically sees Donghyuck’s ears perk up, “What could possibly keep someone like you entertained enough to ignore me?” He asks dramatically, as if in woe.

Renjun rolls his eyes at Donghyuck, shrugging, “Something interesting.”

Donghyuck nods slowly, listening intently, “And that is…?”

Renjun sticks out his tongue, “As if I’d ever tell you.” He says before pinching Donghyuck by the cheek and running away.

“Renjun!” Donghyuck calls out, “Come back here!”

Renjun drowns his calls with laughter.

* * *

 

It takes Renjun roughly _three months_ to meet _Not-John_ again. Within those months, Renjun finds himself develop a ( _not-so)_ monotonous schedule of sleeping, drawing, eating, studying, hanging out with his friends, and sometimes all of those at the same time.

(There were days where Donghyuck and he would have study sessions after sleepless nights and end up sleeping halfway through eating, so _yes_ , though not ideal--- it is possible.)

With the cold winter days approaching, with it comes the exam week that every college student dreads. Donghyuck and he are no exception. With Donghyuck helping a literature student for his creative writing class--- _Minhyung_ is his name Donghyuck once mentioned---and Renjun with his _animation_ class, they are left with studying to their own accord---sometimes they’d have their phones on loudspeaker just to prevent the other from falling asleep.

Thankfully, Renjun is properly able to finish the exams with no problems---unlike Donghyuck who had to take an extra exam a day, since he’ll be leaving early for the holidays.

That’s how Renjun finds himself in school at a _Christmas_ party in school, sitting at a table, alone---well, _not exactly_ , but he went with Xuxi and Mark---and Xuxi, the excited puppy that he is, had already dragged Mark behind him to dance at the dance floor.

_(Mark looks at him, as if asking for permission, “Injun?”_

_“It’s fine,” Renjun dismisses, waving his hand. “You guys will just be at the dance floor, not going somewhere else.” He rolls his eyes._

_“Are you sure?” Xuxi asks._

_Renjun scoffs, “I’m eighteen, I’ll be fine. I’ll text you guys if I get bored and head back early.” He sees Xuxi hold Mark’s hand, he wrinkles his nose in mock distaste. “Ugh couples.” He huffs_ )

Renjun doesn’t mind it much, though he wishes that Donghyuck or at least Sicheng or Kun is there with him, Xuxi and Mark is having a great time and that’s all that matters. Plus, they didn’t have to cook any dinner nor wash any dishes, so Renjun considers it a win-win situation.

Someone pulls out the chair beside him---for a moment, Renjun is startled, but as soon as he saw _who_ did it, only two words came into his mind: _Of course._

The _guy_ sits down beside him, smiling ever so smugly at him. Renjun has the urge to slap it away from his face.

“Fancy meeting you here,” The stranger says, crossing his arms.

“I’d rather not,” Renjun clicks his tongue playfully, “How do you always manage to find me?”

“I don’t,” He shrugs, before smiling cheekily, his lips forming into a lopsided smile, “Maybe it’s fate?” He winks.

Renjun mock shudders in disgust, “Again, I’d rather not, Thank you,” He says, sipping his water. “What brings you here?”

“You looked lonely, so I came to save you,”----Renjun groans—-”Okay, kidding,” The guy chuckles playfully, “My friend left, he has a flight to China in a few hours so,” He shrugs.

“So you got ditched?”

“ _Well_ , I wouldn’t call it ditched—”

“You got ditched.” Renjun deadpans.

“Yes,” The stranger nods, “Wow, we get ditched a lot huh? Maybe ‘ditch’ can be our always.”

Renjun freezes at the _horrid_ book reference and stares at him, “Is this how you usually are?” He asks in monotone, the stranger staring back. “I feel bad for your friends.”

He laughs, “Well if you get to meet him, his jokes are _worse_.”

Renjun scrunches his nose, “I doubt that, coming from you.”  After a moment, he says, “You said your friend will go to China?”

“Yeah, why?” He raises a brow.

Renjun shrugs, “Must be nice.”

“Well, it’s really not.” The guy says, his face twisted into displeasure. “It’s more of a business venture than an actual vacation though.”

“Still,” Renjun mutters, “ It must be nice to go back.” He juts out his bottom lip.

“Oh?” The stranger exclaims, maybe in surprise? Renjun’s not sure. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s been a year since I last went back to China, the next time I’ll be able to fly home is after graduation.” He shrugs. Renjun remembers the first few years he arrived in Korea—-he felt lonely and homesick every single day. He remembers calling his parents at night when he’s usually crying about wanting to go home. If he’s shy now, Renjun doesn’t doubt that he used to be _shyer_ back then. He remembers how awfully silent he would be at school and dread each day—-only to look forward to holidays where he can fly back home with Sicheng or Kun—-sometimes Xuxi.

If his younger self were to know that he wouldn’t be able to go home until after graduation, for sure he would’ve run away and _probably_ would have flown back to China all by himself.

“I need to focus on my studies,” He adds, after a moment in a soft murmur.

“Wait,” The stranger says abruptly, “You’re from China?”

“Yeah? Isn’t it obvious?” Renjun asks, confused.

“No,” The guy shakes his head, ”I don’t even know your name.” He points out, giving Renjun a look that Renjun’s sure it says ‘ _You think?_ ’.

“Oh.” Renjun exclaims in surprise. He somehow has already forgotten that fact. “Well, what’s yours?”

The guy’s smile widens, “I’m Jaemin,” He extends a hand, “Na Jaemin.”

Renjun takes his hand and shakes it, “Oh, so you really are _not John_?”

“I told you I’m not,” Not-John _\----Jaemin_ smirks, almost mischievously so. Renjun has the urge to wipe that perpetual smile off his face. “What about you? What’s your name?”

Renjun sticks his tongue at him, “Why would I tell you?”

“I told you mine?”

“You could’ve said no.” Renjun huffs, a smirk on his lips.

“God,” Jaemin rolls his eyes. “You’re such a kid.”

Renjun groans, “Stop calling me that,” He whines in exasperation, “You say that every time we meet!”

“I will if,” The guy looks at him pointedly, a sly smirk playing on his lips, “You tell me your name.”

Renjun stares at him, eye to eye. Jaemin only smiles more, almost sickeningly sweet. Renjun wonders if he ever gets tired of smiling, it’s like a mask already stuck onto his face. Instead, Renjun groans, “Fine,” He says, sighing in frustration. “My name’s Huang Renjun.”

“Well, _Mr. Huang Renjun_ ,” Jaemin says his name in a way that makes Renjun visibly cringe, a shiver running down his spine, “You can call me your _soulmate_.”

Renjun almost chokes on air, “Soulmate?” He questions incredulously, “Why would I?”

“I’m telling you!” Jaemin pinches his cheeks, Renjun doesn’t miss a beat when he slaps Jaemin’s hand away in annoyance. Unbothered by this, “We’re soulmates!” Is what Jaemin exclaims.

Renjun looks at him, unamused. “If we are, Do you know where I can ask for a refund?” He states flatly, a sly smile playing on his lips. Jaemin looks at him, a _what seemed like_ an amused smile on his face, he seems to about to say something when he heard someone call out to him.

“Injun!” Xuxi calls out, a big smile on his face, walking as he approaches them. A surprised yet amused look on Mark’s face that trails not too far behind Xuxi. “Oh?” He exclaims, an amused look on his face as he glances back and forth between Jaemin and Renjun. “A friend?”

“Yes!”

“No.”

Renjun and Jaemin look at each other at the same time. Renjun glares at Jaemin who only smiles at Renjun with the cheeky smile of his as if he just proved _something_.

“Soulmates, I told you!” Jaemin laughs, Renjun kicks his legs lightly. Jaemin winces—-a smile still on his face and it makes him look weird. _Scratch that, everything about him is weird._

“Jaemin!” Mark calls out, waving his hand. “Didn’t expect you to be here, specifically.” He gestures to the table.

“Ah, Well,” He rubs the back of his neck, “Shit happens, Jeno had to leave for his flight.”

“So soon?” Mark questions, “Didn’t even manage to say goodbye?”

“We tried looking for you, actually.” Jaemin points out, “But you were too busy being with—-” He glances at Xuxi who only smiled at him, watching the exchange, “----Your boyfriend here, I assume?” He wiggles his brows at Mark—-whose ears tinted red as he shyly laughed.

“Uh, yeah, right, uh,” Mark nods awkwardly, “Jaemin this is Xuxi,” Jaemin stands up, extending his hand and it looks so formal and business like that it makes Renjun shivers. Like it isn’t the same Jaemin who he was joking with earlier. Renjun bites the inside of his cheek, _he’s so strange_.

“—-But I didn’t know you knew Injun?” Mark asks, glancing at Renjun.

“We don’t—-”

“We’re friends!”

Renjun glares at Jaemin again, he lightly pushes the back of his knees, making Jaemin wobble. “ _Acquaintances_ , you mean.” He corrects before looking back at Mark and Xuxi, “What about you guys?”

“Oh, Jaemin and I?” Mark questions, “He’s my roommate, actually.” He glances at Xuxi, “Didn’t you tell him?”

Xuxi shrugs, “I remember telling him when we first met?”

“Xuxi,” Renjun whines, “You said another name—-completely different from _Jaemin_.” He deadpans.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, you said _John_ ,” Renjun deadpans.

“Oops?” Xuxi just says.

Somehow this makes Mark chuckle and fondly laugh at Xuxi. His hands goes to Xuxi’s hair and patting him, almost like a puppy. “It’s alright, Xuxi.” He says, smiling. His smile looks so fondly that Renjun is almost _disgusted_ at how sweet it is. Not to mention the way Xuxi also grinned at Mark, proud of himself for making Mark chuckle despite the clumsy mistake he made.

 _It’s so sickeningly sweet_ that their intimacy would’ve made Renjun look away if he wasn’t so used to it.

He hears Jaemin fake a cough, “Guys, we’re still here,” He glances at Renjun, “With a kid too.” He mocks fake disappointment. Renjun slaps him by the arm.

Embarrassed, Mark steps away from a whining Xuxi before he lightens up, “Ah!” He exclaims, “Why don’t we spend Christmas together?” He smiles brightly. Xuxi, who’s by his side automatically brightens up—-almost comically, in the most _Xuxi_ way possible—-and looks at Renjun expectantly.

“You’re going to stay during the holidays?” Renjun asks Xuxi, “Won’t you be going back?”

Xuxi shrugs before putting an arm around Mark’s shoulders, “Nah, I already told them that I have to babysit you for the holidays—-”- _(“More like I’m babysitting you…” Renjun grumbles, Jaemin hears this and snickers.)-_ “—-but if I can spend the holidays with Mark then that would be better!” He tightens the arm around Mark, pulling the guy closer to him.

“But I’ll be with you guys too.” Renjun deadpans.

“A plus!” Xuxi exclaims happily.

Jaemin fake coughs, “I would be too,” He glances at Mark who just shrugs in response.

“Who says we can’t celebrate together?” Xuxi speaks for Mark, clearly sold on the idea, “The both of you are friends, and Mark and I are boyfriends, so we can all be friends!” He proudly exclaims, Renjun sees the way Mark’s face turns beet red when Xuxi mentioned _‘boyfriends_ ’ and wonders how Mark hasn’t burnt to ashes yet.

“Well, whatever, I’m in.” Jaemin smiles, Xuxi immediately pulls him into the secret college dude handshake that somehow everyone knows besides Renjun. Jaemin looks at him almost expectantly, “What about you?”

Somehow, behind Jaemin, Renjun can see the way Xuxi and Mark looks at him—-almost asking him to say yes with their eyes. It’s not like Renjun has anything specifically planned to do for the day—-in fact, he only planned on calling his parents and eat cup noodles while binge-watching on some cartoon or musicals (that Donghyuck had recommended).

Besides that, Renjun doesn’t really know if he wants to spend time with someone who he barely knows—-because whether he likes it or not, Xuxi and Mark would probably be in their own world again which leaves Renjun with Jaemin who he—-almost quite literally—- knows nothing about. Renjun’s not quite sure yet if he’s ready to give up the comfort of their dorm to the possibility of uncomfortable awkwardness that he might experience.

Because talking to someone in a party is one thing compared to talking to someone whom he has no other choice but to talk to.

But also, making his friends happy by just agreeing simply—-and getting to spend the holiday with them is also another thing.

Sighing, “Alright,” He agrees. He almost saw Xuxi and Mark jump in excitement. “But,” He looks at Xuxi, “You’ll be in charge of the groceries.”

“Yeah sure!” Xuxi nods, “Thanks man!” He hugs Renjun with one arm and Renjun rolls his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, I’m the bestest friend you ever have, yes.” He says, but Xuxi is already by Mark’s side, excitedly planning (though Renjun doubts any of them would come true).

Renjun glances at Jaemin who only has a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye that Renjun can’t seem to forget for the next few days.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, Jaemin looks at him and smiles. His eyes crinkling and his teeth in full view.
> 
> Renjun feels his heart grow ten times in his chest.
> 
> It’s warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm so sorry for the really long delay !! I hope the chapter length somehow makes up for it!! I'm really, really sorry !! I hope you all enjoy this though!!
> 
> (After this chapter, updates will be average-lengthed!!)
> 
> \+ I also added slow burn into the tag, I didn't know it'll take this long for the romance(or lack thereof) uwu
> 
> heads up: tw; self hatred !!

It’s already five in the afternoon on Christmas Eve when Renjun decided to head straight to Mark’s flat, almost unwillingly so. Xuxi had already left him hours ago, too excited to see Mark again—-Renjun assumes—-and thankfully brought the hotpot ingredients with him (because honestly, Renjun’s too lazy to move from the warmth and comfort of his bed—-especially when he has his blanket wrapped around him like a burrito). Xuxi might’ve honestly seen it coming, though. He must’ve thought Renjun wouldn’t go somewhere without a motivation—-like food, for example, became Renjun’s motivation earlier this morning.

“So,” Jaemin suddenly speaks up, out of the blue, breaking the silence between them. “What were you doing in the cafe?” He asks.

It’s eight o’clock in the morning when Renjun finds himself entering the cafe, bringing nothing but warm clothes with him. It has been really cold the entire week—-colder than the previous one and Renjun assumes that despite snow hasn’t fallen yet, it probably will sooner rather than later. The temperature just keeps on dropping and Renjun almost started substituting water with hot chocolate or tea.

It’s not that Renjun hates winter or anything—-it’s just _cold_. Though Renjun hates the idea of getting unnecessarily sweaty in the summer, it doesn’t mean that he also necessarily likes the cold of the winter that leaves him shivering in his socks. It’s around these times that Renjun appreciates hot beverages more—-which is why he finds himself in the cafe at eight in the morning, lining up along with the other victims of the morning rush, patiently waiting for his turn.

Xuxi and Renjun had an agreement, in exchange of going to celebrate Christmas with Mark—-not that Renjun minds, really, but he’d take advantage when given the opportunity, right?—-Renjun told him everything that they needed, the things Xuxi needed to buy. He tells him about how their oil and soy sauce is about to run out, their egg carton being empty, and how they have already consumed most of the instant noodles and easy-to-cook meals that they stored in their pantry.

And one of those things is tea.

Apparently, somewhere along the way, Xuxi had forgotten to buy Renjun’s tea. He didn’t forget anything else—-only that. Renjun’s not mad about it, but just a little bummed out—-mainly because of the weather and how it just _calls_ for hot beverages—-more so than it already does.

“I bought myself tea,” He answers simply, putting the vegetables in a bowl and pushing the sleeves of his sweater up on his arms. “Xuxi forgot to buy me some when he went grocery shopping.” He crinkles his nose in distaste.  

Somehow this makes Jaemin snicker, “Sounds like something Lucas would definitely do.”

Renjun nods, but undeniably, it’s also something he also does—-from time to time. Sicheng and Kun always tell them that they should write a list every time they go shopping as they had done—-but that’s the problem. It _probably_ worked for them during their generation (an age exaggeration Renjun always loves bringing up), but it doesn’t _now._ Or rather, Renjun isn’t even ashamed to admit, that he and Xuxi still end up forgetting something.

_(“A recipe for trouble”, Kun had said back then. No one objected.)_

Renjun freezes, in realisation—-

Renjun slowly turns around to face Jaemin who’s by the stove, boiling water. “Lucas?” He questions.

“Yeah?” Jaemin looks at him, as if unsure, “Why?” His eyebrow furrows in confusion.

“Nothing.”

“Am I not allowed to call him that?”

“Not really,” Renjun knits his brows, before turning back to the sink, turning the water on. “Just odd? Only Mark ever calls him that.”

Though Renjun supposes, it might be because they are all Chinese that Xuxi chose to introduce himself as Xuxi or Yukhei. Thinking about it, it would’ve been quite odd back then if he introduced himself as _Lucas_ . Then again, even Mark had gotten used to calling him Xuxi—-considering he was also a part- _ish_ of their group, he had probably grown more accustomed to hearing _Xuxi_ than _Lucas_.

“What do his other friends call him then?” Jaemin asks. Renjun turns the tap off.

“We usually call him Xuxi, sometimes Yukhei,” Renjun shrugs, “He has lots of names, I’m just surprised he introduced that name to you? Or something, really.”

“We exchanged numbers a few days ago, actually,” Jaemin moves closer to the sink, leaning against the counter with his arms folded. “I’m surprised I never saw him, actually.” He states, “Considering we study in the same building _and_ ,” He emphasises, ”The fact that almost all business-related students are acquainted with each other, one way or another, it’s surprising that I’ve never heard of his name?”

Renjun hums. He’s heard about that from Xuxi, in a passing conversation. Xuxi told him how students from his side would address each other by their surnames rather than their first names, supposedly to get to the good side of the person and use it as leverage—-or as he had heard from other students.

_(“Well, that’s better compared to art students,” Renjun snorts, “We spend so much of our days indoors we don’t even know people.”)_

“I haven’t heard of your name too,” Jaemin points out as a follow-up statement.

“You wouldn’t,” Renjun says, “I’m in the art building anyways, I doubt you’d hear about me when students there don’t even know each other.” Renjun snorts, “And you probably don’t go out much. Xuxi’s tall as a giant, he’s really easy to spot in a crowd.”

 _I don’t think Xuxi has heard of you too_ , Renjun wants to say. But Renjun’s sure it’s more or less because Xuxi could care less about gossip and such. Surely if Xuxi has heard gossip-worthy for them to talk about, he’d probably go to Renjun as soon as he can.

They could be like _mean girls_ , fewer but _better_.

“Yeah unlike you,” Jaemin emphasises on the ‘you’, ”I’ll probably lose you as soon as I take my eyes off of you.” Renjun, in reflex, elbows him, Jaemin winces in pain.

“I told you already,” He hisses, “I’m not short.” He huffs, puffing his cheeks out.

Jaemin eyes him warily, looking at him up and down, “Yeah you aren’t, you’re just so tiny.” He pokes Renjun by the cheek. In turn, Renjun slaps his hand away.

“Stop,” He whines, scrunching his nose and groaning in annoyance, “Not this again.”

“I’m just saying,” Jaemin says, “Has Lucas never asked you to go to the gym with him?”

Renjun lets out a noise, almost like a grumble, “No?”

“What?” Jaemin smiles in amusement, “He asked me to be _gym buddies_ with him.” He lifts a brow, giving Renjun a pointed look with a shit-eating grin on his lips. “Am I taking over as his new best friend?”

Renjun stares at him. “Who would want to be your best friend?” Renjun scoffs in mock disbelief at the assumption. Renjun’s sure that Xuxi would probably have asked him if he knew Renjun was interested—In which, Renjun obviously, isn’t. Renjun isn’t really much of a health junkie, eating a healthier diet? _Sure_ , he can do that. But exercising? Uh, _yeah_ , nevermind, he’ll leave that to the bigger Huang. He would rather much prefer stretching than do strenuous exercises as the one Xuxi does.

Though Renjun thinks, it would be great if Jaemin were to join Xuxi. Aside from having Mark to accompany him, Xuxi can also have Jaemin to come within times of Mark being too busy to go to the gym.

_(Plus, Mark would be extremely happy to hear that his roomie and his boyfriend are getting along together.)_

Jaemin puts a hand, quite dramatically, on his chest. Renjun’s convinced that Jaemin and Donghyuck would get along well. He takes a mental note to text Donghyuck. “You wound me, Renjun,” Jaemin says, his face scrunched up in mock hurt. “But,” He grins, standing straight, “Lucas, would,” He says cheekily, too playful for Renjun’s taste. “Next thing you know, _I’ll_ be the best man in their wedding.”

Now _that’s_ a dumb assumption.

Renjun is the best person for the best man Xuxi can get after all.

_(Not that he’s disregarding Kun and Sicheng, but at this point, they are probably the parents or the uncles in the wedding.)_

Renjun scoffs, “I’m pretty sure Xuxi isn’t dumb enough to do that.”

“He isn’t,” Jaemin nods, “But Mark can persuade him.” He wiggles his eyebrows, smiling triumphantly as if he’d already won.

He isn’t wrong though. Knowing Xuxi, he’d be willing to give anything and everything in the world for Mark.

There’s this time, Renjun remembers, in his second year in high school—Xuxi’s third—around a week after Xuxi found out about his feelings. Xuxi had come to school on this one particular day all groggy and tired, it isn’t supposed to be something surprising—but it’s _Xuxi_. For the years they had been friends prior, he has never gone to school groggy and tired. Renjun remembers Xuxi venting out on lunch, his sentences a mix of Chinese and Korean—something they don’t really hear much, only when Xuxi’s frustrated—which is a rare occurrence, to say the least.

The cause, apparently, was Mark. Xuxi worries, with all the school, works they were given in such a short amount of time if Mark was eating well, sleeping well, and even doing well as Mark wasn’t answering his texts nor calls as often and always seemed to look so sleepy in class.

Renjun remembers Xuxi texting him in the middle of a stormy night, texting him where he’s going just in case he hasn’t returned in the morning and Kun or Sicheng asks where he went. Turns out, he went to the Library to get Mark—who’s apparently stuck because of the rain and asked Xuxi if he can come to fetch him.

Xuxi has really been exerting a lot of effort for Mark—all because he wants Mark to be happy.

_That’s why—_

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Xuxi already has a list and idea in his head on how their wedding would be like,” Renjun scrunches his nose, but he smiles fondly at the idea. “Though, I’m pretty sure you’re not part of that.” He glances at Jaemin, smiling wearily.

“Not _yet,_ ” Jaemin corrects, lifting a brow. “And not if Mark has a say in it.”

Renjun is about to say something when he hears footsteps approaching—-

“What do you mean if I had a say in it?” Mark asks, confused looking back and forth between Jaemin and Renjun, “What are you guys talking about?” He says, putting the food they ordered earlier on top of the _very messy_ dining table. Xuxi behind him, bringing more food. They both try to place the scattered ingredients to one side to make space for the food and drinks they bought. Renjun reminds himself to clean it up while they wait for the hotpot to finish cooking.

It’s Jaemin who answers Mark, “For your wedding,” He says, a lot more shameless than Renjun would’ve ever done. Mark sputters in—-Renjun doesn’t know if it’s in surprise or embarrassment, or maybe both?—- and Renjun feels a little bit sorry for him.

Jaemin can be _a little_ bit shameless, but surely it’s his way of teasing.

Mark almost chokes on air, coughing into his hand, “What wedding?” He weakly asks, the tips of his ears tinting red. _In embarrassment_ , Renjun confirms. If it wasn’t amusing to see Mark’s reaction, Renjun would’ve already had second-hand embarrassment by now.

“Duh, who else?” Jaemin rolls his eyes, “Yours and Lucas’!” He exclaims as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh! What about our wedding?” Xuxi finally speaks up, a big smile on his face. Clearly pleased with the topic of the conversation, his whole face the complete opposite of Mark’s embarrassed and seemingly horrified one.

Jaemin glances at Renjun for a second, a grin on his lips, “We were arguing about who you’ll choose to be the best man—-”

“—-And that’s obviously me,” Renjun cuts him off, smiling proudly. “Right, Xuxi?”

“Yeah!” Xuxi nods. Renjun glances at Jaemin, a triumphant smirk playing on his lips.

“I can’t believe you’re going to wound me like this, man!” Jaemin dramatically says, putting a hand over his heart just like earlier. Renjun can see how he and Xuxi get along together. “I thought what we had was real!”

“Bro!” Xuxi exclaims before looking at Renjun. “Maybe we can…” Renjun looks at Xuxi pointedly, “Compromise?” He asks, unsure.

“Xuxi!” Renjun exclaims in disbelief. In his peripheral vision, he sees Jaemin fist pump the air. He groans. “You’re just going to throw me away for—-” He tries to find the right words, “For your _gym bro?_ ”

“Guys, guys,” Mark coughs, gaining all of their attention, “You guys do realise there can be two best man, right?” He says, avoiding their gazes. Though he says this with a levelled voice, Renjun swears he sees Mark getting red—-it’s almost comical.

“So I _will_ be your best man, right?” Jaemin asks Mark, a smile on his face. Renjun could only scrunch his nose and groan. Renjun has concluded that this guy—- _this_ guy is so stubborn, maybe too stubborn for his own good.

Mark turns to him, eyeing him wearily, “Nah,” He shakes his head, “I think I’d choose Jeno.”

It’s almost comical to watch how Jaemin looks at Mark in disbelief—-his face falling to going shock and to, at least what seemed like to Renjun, mock offence.

“Jeno? out of all people?” Jaemin groans, rolling his eyes, “The speech would be _so_ boring,” He exclaims.

“Hey!” Renjun lightly bumps Jaemin with his side, “Isn’t that your best friend?” He asks. He briefly remembers the name in passing—-but he isn’t really sure and he doesn’t want to assume anything.

“Yeah,” Jaemin scrunches his nose, “Which makes it worse.”

“Oh?”

Renjun hears Mark scoff, “Don’t listen to that loser, Renjunnie,” He says, almost scoffing, “They just have a friendly rivalry since diapers,”—— _(“‘Diapers?’ Really, Mark?” Jaemin scrunches his nose even more, ”I’m pretty sure no one says that anymore you.” Renjun elbows him, snickering silently.)—-“_ So me choosing Jeno means another win for Jeno.”

“Wow, you’re so petty,” Renjun comments, looking at Jaemin who just glared at him. Renjun turns to Mark again, “Well, if you chose this Jeno guy, he must be better than this guy right here, right?” He motions to Jaemin.

“Honestly Renjunnie,” Mark eyes him wearily, “It would’ve been better if you met neither, they can be a headache.” He says, though it sounds mean, Renjun could hear the slight hint of fondness in his tone.

But of course, Renjun eyes Jaemin before scoffing and rolling his eyes, playing along. “Tell me about it,” He says, “We’ve only been together for an hour or so and I think I already have a migraine.”

Jaemin looks at him, his lower lip jutting out, looking like a sad puppy. Good thing Renjun’s immune to those—-Thanks to Xuxi, really—-and sticks his tongue out, mocking Jaemin.

“Well!” Xuxi suddenly claps his hands together, “Mark and I will be at the living room!” He puts an arm around Mark’s shoulders, “We’ll be there if you need us!” He turns them around—already exiting the room without even wanting to hear Jaemin or his’ reply. Renjun swears he hears Xuxi faintly ask Mark about the theme of the wedding—Renjun’s not even sure if that question is hypothetical or not.

“Ah, Renjun,” Renjun hears Jaemin from the side and sees him by the stove. “I think we have a problem.”

“What is it?” Renjun asks, brows furrowing. Jaemin made an action beckoning him closer. Wearily, Renjun slowly walks towards him, unsure what to expect. Jaemin lifts the lid for him to see inside and—

It has nothing.

“Uh, Jaemin?” Renjun asks in a confused whisper, “Where’s the water?”

Jaemin looks at him dead in the eye, “It disappeared.”

“Uh-huh,” Renjun nods, “You mean it evaporated.”

Jaemin nods back, “Yes.”

Renjun stares at him, in disbelief while Jaemin stares back, unwilling to back down. He’s truly so stubborn. Renjun didn’t think he’d find someone as stubborn as him, but he was wrong. Sighing in defeat, Renjun walks towards the door.

“Mark!” He calls out to the living room, “Do you think it’s too late to get rid of this guy?”

“He isn’t that bad!” Mark yells back. Renjun hears Xuxi whine in the background. “What did he do this time?”

“He’s being a dumbass!”

“Go tell him that yourself!”

Renjun turns around to face Jaemin, who just looks back at him blankly.

“You’re a dumbass.”

Jaemin nods, “I know.”

Renjun sighs, shaking his head. Not that Renjun can speak for Xuxi and himself. Living off of on mostly canned goods, instant meals and take outs is not exactly the most ideal—but they’re college students, it’s to be expected right? Renjun doubts that there are some students out there who cook everyday—not that, Renjun knows a lot of people, but if even _Kun_ , the real chef within their group,   off of take outs too, then it says something about time. “I wonder how you and Mark lasted this long living like this.” He says after a moment.

“Hey,” Jaemin whines, pouting slightly. Renjun is reminded of a puppy he saw once at the park. Jaemin looks exactly like that. “I’m usually a better cook,” He explains, “Well, better than Mark.”

Renjun snorts, “Anyone is better than Mark.” He remembers the first time he saw Mark cook—-Renjun has never feared food as much as he did _then_. And Mark was only attempting to cook eggs.

“Fair enough,” Jaemin nods, “But really!” He emphasises, his stubborn self already showing. “I’m really a better cook than this.”

Renjun eyes him warily, “Really? Then what happened?”

A beat, “I got distracted by you.”Jaemin says and with the smile he’s trying to keep in, Renjun knows he isn’t serious.

As a response, Renjun groans in frustration. The more he spends time with Jaemin, the more Renjun notices how much of a flirt—- _or at least_ a smooth talker he is. Which does the opposite effect on Renjun. Being best friends with Xuxi has taught him a lot of things and has made him immune to a lot of things—-such as this.

He knows that if he gave a lot more reaction, Jaemin would just keep on doing it. So he doesn’t respond. He has nothing against it. Really. He just finds it cringe-inducing. Something even maybe _Donghyuck_ would roll his eyes at.

“Why am I stuck with you?” Renjun scrunches his nose in mock displeasure.

Jaemin smiles cheekily, “You love me.”

Renjun grabs a knife and the cutting board from the table that Jaemin had brought out earlier prior to starting. With no hesitation, he replies, “No I don’t.”

“But you will.”

Renjun doesn’t reply.

 

* * *

 

It’s thirty minutes till midnight when Renjun decides to go out to the balcony, trying to fight sleep. Xuxi had convinced all of them to stay up together at midnight to be the first one to greet each other for a Happy Christmas. It’s a cute idea and Renjun is willing to stay up late, but with all the food they had eaten for dinner and the cold weather, Renjun wants nothing to do but snuggle up in a blanket and sleep.

The cold winter air hits him. It isn’t snowing yet—-oddly enough, since usually, it would start around mid-December, sometimes earlier. Renjun shivers. He’s lucky that Xuxi and Mark are cuddling on the couch right now—-watching whatever Christmas movies that play on the tv and relishing in each others’ warmth. He would be slightly jealous of them if it weren’t for the fact that he’s now able to wear double sweaters—-Xuxi’s much bigger sweater on top of his own which added warmth and protection from the cold.

He leans against the metal railing, looking at the dark view below with only Christmas lights illuminating the streets and the houses. This flat isn’t really that far from his and Xuxi’s, however, Renjun can tell how private and much secluded the area is—-not that theirs isn’t, but it’s just much more _quiet_ , for the lack of better word he could think of. Renjun understands why Xuxi was so excited the first time he wanted to come over. The flat itself isn’t exactly bigger than theirs, Renjun estimates that it’s more or less the same, but somehow the whole place is just so _nice_. Would be great for couples, he supposes.

He hears the door behind him slide open, he sees Jaemin who’s wearing a sweater and carrying two cups in his hands come out. Jaemin hands him a cup and Renjun sees the whipped cream and the mini-marshmallows on the top.

“Hot cocoa?” Renjun says, carefully taking it from Jaemin with a silent ‘Thank you’ leaving his lips. He takes a sip and retreats back when it burns his tongue,

Jaemin snickers at this, “Yours is, I got coffee though.” He holds up his cup, as if to show Renjun. “I planned to give some to Xuxi and Mark but,” He glances at the sliding door, the tv can be seen playing, “They already fell asleep.”

Renjun purses his lips. Not surprising, to say the least. Somehow at the back of Renjun’s mind, he knew this would happen one way or another. But at least he isn’t alone in staying up—-he also has Donghyuck to call and annoy, as promised.

Renjun scoffs, “Of course they did.” He takes a sip again, the cold winter breeze must have cooled it off somehow since it doesn’t burn as much—-though maybe it’s only Renjun’s freezing lips.

“What are you doing out here though?” Jaemin questions, “Aren’t you cold?”

“I am,” Renjun nods, exhaling through his mouth, watching his faint breath turn into a fog and disappear. “That’s the plan.”

“Plan, what plan?” Jaemin leans against the railing, “Freeze yourself to death?”

“No,” Renjun slightly juts his bottom lip, “Xuxi said we should stay awake and I felt sleepy.”

Jaemin stares at him blankly, slowly blowing his cup to cool off the liquid—-which Renjun finds weird considering they are practically in a freezer right now. “So you decided to freeze yourself,” He points.

“If you say it that way,” Renjun trails off, getting an eyebrow raise from Jaemin. “Hey, don’t judge! You can’t fall asleep if you’re cold, okay?”

“Sure,” Jaemin says, downing a gulp. Okay, Renjun knows that it’s cold enough to cool their drinks, but suddenly downing a gulp like that? Yikes. Renjun wonders if Jaemin didn’t burn himself, but with the lack of reaction, he probably didn’t. “Whatever you say.” He says before turning away, looking at the inside of the flat.

Renjun idly checks his phone, looking at his messages towards his family and to Kun and Sicheng, greeting them a happy holiday.

“Ah,” Renjun exclaims offhandedly, ”It’s fifteen minutes till Christmas,” Renjun mutters under his breath to no one in particular, fiddling with his phone. He opens his contacts.

“What are you doing?” Jaemin inquires, taking a peek at Renjun’s screen. Renjun hides his phone screen away while glaring at Jaemin, hissing.

“I’m just going to call a friend,” _Aha!_ Renjun internally exclaims, finding the (unlucky) recipient of his love.

 _Lee Donghyuck_ it reads, with a demon kaomoji beside it—-something Renjun added because Donghyuck kept insisting to _at least_ make his contact name more creative. So Renjun settled for a cute and evil kaomoji, something he thinks suited Donghyuck very well.

“At midnight?” Jaemin says, pulling out his phone from his pocket.

“Yeah,” Renjun shrugs, ”Why aren’t you calling yours?” He asks, lifting a brow. Surely Jaemin has a lot of friends? Considering his earlier claims, if it _is_ true, he’s probably the type to have his social media full of greetings from strangers or acquaintances.

Jaemin is also probably the type to thank them one by one too. Renjun can just imagine Jaemin typing on his phone for hours just to finish all the greetings.

“He’s in China,” Jaemin states as if it’s obvious. Renjun may have heard it in passing in their earlier conversations, but they can’t blame him, can they? He doesn’t really know who the guy is. “Plus,” He adds, ”Mark and I already greeted him an hour ago.”

Renjun nods. Right. China. He also greeted his family (Kun and Sicheng too, since they went home for the holidays) an hour ago to match up with their timezone.

Instead, “Ugh, lucky, “ is what Renjun says, scrunching his nose, “If I were you I’d be sleeping right now.” _And if Xuxi didn’t invite them to stay up until midnight_ is left unsaid.

“Then why aren’t you?” Jaemin takes a sip of his drink. Renjun suddenly remembers that he has his own. He quickly brings his to his lips and drinks.

He internally dances when he finds it still warm.

“I have a phone call to make?” Renjun states with a questioning tone, gulping his drink in fear of it getting frozen by the cold weather.

“Can’t you do that in the morning?” Jaemin moves his fingers to Renjun’s face—-which surprises Renjun, freezing him in his place—-to wipe the stain from the side of his lip with his thumb. “Oh,” Jaemin says in realisation on what he did, “Sorry, he apologises sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Renjun nods, “It’s okay,” He awkwardly says. Though he doesn’t deny how his heart sped up at the proximity and gesture. Not that Xuxi nor Donghyuck doesn’t do that, but it’s Jaemin. He barely knows the guy. Though Renjun knows Jaemin didn’t mean any harm so he lets it pass. He fake coughs instead, answering Jaemin’s question, “It would be less annoying if I did that though?”

Jaemin seems to have considered this, sipping from his cup more. Renjun does the same. “So...you want to annoy your friend,” Jaemin says, almost as if he’s unsure.

“Yes…?” Renjun also answers, almost unsure.

“You’re choosing to lose sleep for this?”

“It’s not like I’m already sleeping,” Renjun scowls into a pout, “I’m already awake anyways and this is the least I can do to make waiting for midnight worth it.”

“What? Spending time with me isn’t enough?” Jaemin winks, a big smile on his face/

“Yep, now shush,” Renjun only replies, dismissing him as he clicks the ‘call’ button. He puts it on speaker, not wanting to let the cold screen of his phone to touch his already cold ears. It rings once. Twice. Thrice. Renjun is about to give up when Donghyuck picks it up and he faintly hears a groggy noise from the other line.

“Happy holidays, Lee Donghyuck!” Renjun greets happily, a smile on his face. He hears Donghyuck groan in frustration, clearly woken up rudely.

 _“Renjun,”_ Donghyuck mutters, _“Shut the fuck up.”_

Renjun pouts, “I’m just showing you my love!” He says in a baby talk Donghyuck would sometimes use on him. It makes him cringe but it’s fun to mock Donghyuck.

 _“Ugh,”_ Donghyuck scowls, _“If it’s like this then don’t want it.”_

“I rarely give you my love and now you’re rejecting me?” Renjun demands, his eyebrows furrow to the middle.

 _“Please,”_ Donghyuck exclaims, _“Who would want that?”_

“I would,” Jaemin says out of the blue.

Renjun instinctively steps on Jaemin’s foot. Jaemin hisses, gasping inaudibly before glaring at Renjun in pain.

_“Who the fuck—”_

“Remember the guy I told you about?” Renjun asks, annoyed and sticking his tongue out at Jaemin who mirrors his expression, “The one I somehow keep on bumping into? My stalker?”

“You mean your soulmate—” Jaemin corrects, Renjun hisses at him. He’s _so_ _close_ to dropping the mug and putting Jaemin into a chokehold.

“Well _apparently_ ,” Renjun emphasises, “He’s a friend’s flatmate and somehow we got stuck together on Christmas eve.”

“ _‘Stuck together’_?” Jaemin quotes, “You wound me.”

 _“Oh my god,”_ Donghyuck exclaims and by the tone of his voice, he sounds tired. _Oops_ , Renjun mentally exclaims. He should probably apologise later. _“Please don’t tell me you called me just to witness the both of you flirt, it’s disgusting.”_

Renjun makes a disgusted face at Jaemin, “That’s disgusting, who would want to date Na Jaemin?”

Jaemin looks almost offended, “A lot of people you would—”

“Didn’t know a lot of people in our uni is blind—” Renjun says.

 _“Wait,”_ Donghyuck cuts them off, he sounds like he just got alerted by something, _“Did you just say Na Jaemin?”_

“Uh, yeah, why?” Renjun scrunches his nose, he can already see the smug face Jaemin has even without looking at him.

 _“Hey, do you know anyone named Lee Jeno?”_ Donghyuck asks and Renjun knows that it isn’t directed at him/

“Yeah? He’s my best friend, why?”

 _“Dumbass!”_ Renjun tries his best not to laugh, _“It’s Lee Donghyuck!”_

“You mean, _Lee Donghyuck?_ ” Jaemin repeats unsure.

 _“I better be the only Lee Donghyuck you’ll ever hear about, Na,”_ Renjun hears Donghyuck huff, he sounds more awake than before

“Wait, wait wait,” Renjun stops them, he already feels a headache coming, “What’s going on? You guys know each other?” He’s just lost, really lost.

_“Know each other? We’re like childhood friends that only see each other when our parents force us to go to their stupid formal parties, friendship made of mutual hatred.”_

“Could say that again,” Jaemin nods. Renjun still feels lost.

“So you guys are childhood friends?” Renjun clarifies.

“Kinda?” Jaemin replies, “Unlike Jeno and I, we only ever see Donghyuck during parties and stuff, because of our parents and all.”

“Right,” Renjun nods, but he doesn’t understand everything. “So how come you both didn’t know the other is studying at the same Uni?”

_“Renjun please, have you ever even seen the business building?”_

“No….”

 _“Yeah, exactly,”_ Renjun can already picture Donghyuck nodding to himself, _“It’s pretty hard to know people from other strands because of how our uni was built._ ”

“But don’t you guys keep in touch or something?” Renjun supposes. Friends are supposed to keep in touch with each other though, right? Not like Renjun knows a lot about it, but considering he’s still constantly texting and calling Kun and Sicheng despite the separation and distance, it should probably be the same.

_(Though Renjun knows that his sisters will probably hunt Sicheng personally if Sicheng cut off Renjun._

_And it’s not like Sicheng can do that. He loves Renjun too much.)_

Jaemin looks at him blankly and somehow he can see an imaginary Donghyuck just beside Jaemin giving him the same face, “Nah,” They both answer, in creepy synchronisation.

 _Well_ , at least Renjun knows he wasn’t wrong when he said they’d get along with each other.

Renjun freezes in his spot as he notices snow drifting through the air lazily. He shivers slightly as it slightly breezes, feeling the air grow colder ever so slightly. He watches the snow fall to the ground down below, gathering and slowly piling up together.

Softly, Renjun calls out to Donghyuck, “Merry Christmas,” He says.

“Merry Christmas to you too Renjunnie,” Donghyuck says, “To you too Jaemin.”

“Same with you,” Jaemin simply says, stretching his arms before yawning. “I should head back, it’s getting late,” He says, nodding at Renjun, “See you around, Hyuck.”

“See ya’,” is what Donghyuck replies.

After that, Renjun and Donghyuck stay up a little more, telling stories about the past few days and anything at all. Each second somehow feels a little bit colder than the last---with Renjun already resorting to covering his hands with the sweater sleeves in order to not let his hands freeze more so than it already is.

Renjun yawns, “Donghyuck,” He yawns again, “I have to go, Time to be a human burrito now.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue, “You wake me up and now you’re leaving me? The audacity!” He tries to say but a yawn gives him completely away. “Can I ask you a question though?”

Renjun rubs his eyes, hissing at how cold his hands had become, “Sure?”

“Is Jaemin being good to you?”

“Well,” Renjun tries to figure out how to word it properly, “He’s kinda annoying but he’s good.”

Donghyuck hums, “Can I talk to him?”

Renjun shrugs, “I don’t see why not?” He glances inside the room, “I’ll have to check if he’s still awake though.”

Renjun opens the sliding door, trying to create as minimal noise as possible in order to not wake Mark and Xuxi up. He tiptoes inside before closing the door, flinching slightly at the locking sound it made. Seeing that he hasn’t accidentally woken the two yet, he slides through the floor with his fluffy slippers, relishing the warmth of the room as opposed to the coldness of the temperature outside.

He surveys two of the rooms with doors closed and he guesses that the one with the lights opened is most likely Jaemin’s. Lightly he knocks on the door, trying to be as discreet as possible but loud enough to be heard. It takes a few seconds but he eventually hears a soft hum from the inside, which Renjun takes as a response, and opens the door. He sees Jaemin sitting on a black office chair facing the desk where a laptop is propped up.

 _Oops_ , Renjun exclaims internally, he might’ve disturbed Jaemin.

“Uh, is it a bad time?” Renjun asks.

“Oh, this?” Jaemin glances at his laptop before looking back at Renjun, “I’m just finishing some school stuff.” He shrugs. “Do you need anything?”

Renjun brings up his phone to eyesight to show Jaemin, “Donghyuck wants to have a word with you?” He states. Jaemin only nods and Renjun steps inside Jaemin’s room and hands him the phone. An uncomfortable feeling creeps up Renjun’s spine. It’s like that feeling where your parents force you to go with them somewhere but you’re not really sure what kind of actions is and isn’t prohibited in the said place so you’re just left standing there awkwardly and hoping for it to pass.

Like what Renjun’s doing. Renjun notices, though he thinks it might be a _little bit_ creepy for him to look around a new friend’s—-was Jaemin his friend? He isn’t sure about that either—-room, that it’s considerably cleaner compared to his own. Jaemin has his bags and suitcases out, probably not having enough time to fix everything yet, which is completely understandable. He also had various books on his desk, from cooking to magazines to actual school books. To the side of Jaemin’s nightstand is a guitar which somehow oddly fits Jaemin—-in a way.

Nothing much really stands out and that’s the weird thing. Everything looks somewhat organised and Renjun doesn’t judge if Jaemin wants to keep the black and white aesthetic, but there really isn’t anything much that stands out?

Though that may be Renjun’s exposure to visually louder people—-like how Donghyuck has _tons_ , and Renjun isn’t joking when he says that, of Michael Jackson posters stuck onto his wall and even has a record player in his room. Or like how Xuxi has different movie posters in his room—-most of them being freebies to the premiere night screening he always goes to—-and different stacks of album that Renjun’s sure he hasn’t seen Xuxi use.

Still, for someone who’s really loud like Jaemin, Renjun would never have guessed this room would be Jaemin’s.

“Renjun,” Jaemin’s voice snaps Renjun out of his thoughts.

Renjun sheepishly, rubs the back of his neck, “Hyuck didn’t say anything embarrassing, right?”

Jaemin gives it a thought, humming, “I don’t think so?” He shrugs, “He only told me to make sure your—quote-unquote— _’weak ass ankles’_ doesn’t make you,” Jaemin uses his fingers to air quote, ” _’Slip and fall to your death’_.”

“Oh my god,” Renjun mutters under his breath, hiding his face behind his hands, not knowing what else to say. Jaemin extends his hands to give back Renjun’s phone, and Renjun takes it.

“Your hands are cold,” Jaemin comments instead. Renjun puts his hand to the side of his face. Yep, definitely colder than Renjun would’ve liked.

“Yeah I just went inside,” He explains, rubbing his hands together—-more like against his cell phone but it’s something.

Jaemin smiles, the cheesy one, “Wanna hold my hand so I can warm you up?” He extends his hand.

Renjun stares at his hand and blinks, looking back at Jaemin, “No?”

“Too bad,” Jaemin pouts, retreating his hand, “The offer is always on the table if you want.” Renjun just shakes his head.

“It’s getting late, I should probably sleep soon,” Renjun jerks his head towards the door, “You should too.”

“I will,” Jaemin says, shortly, “I’ll just finish this.”

Renjun nods before heading out the door. For a second, Renjun turns around and opens the door.

“Hey, Jaemin?” He calls out, Jaemin swivels his chair.

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Renjun.”

Somehow that makes Renjun a little bit more comfortable.

 

* * *

 

The first time Donghyuck sees Jaemin again—-considering they _did_ know each other—- goes something like _this_ : 

As Donghyuck had promised somewhere during their last call, he arrived in front of Renjun’s flat as soon as he came back, determined to spend the day and the next with him—-since Renjun had told him how his flatmate will be busy and won’t come back until the next day or so. Donghyuck quickly tackles him into a bear hug as soon as he opened the door. 

“Did you miss seeing this handsome face, Renjunnie?” Donghyuck says, smiling smugly as he separates himself from Renjun.

“Handsome face?” Renjun tilts his head to the side in question, “Why would I miss my own?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, crossing his arms, “I bought you food all the way from _Jeju_ and you’re going to treat me like this?” He huffs, “You’re so shameless.”

Hearing the word ‘Food’ makes Renjun’s ears perk up, “Food?” He smiles brightly, “Where?”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen, putting a hand on his chest, “What? You’re more excited about the food compared to seeing me, your bestest-best friend a.k.a. soulmate forever, _Lee Donghyuck_?” He gasps dramatically, “This is unacceptable!”

Renjun ignores this, holding his hand out, “Food,” He says, opening and closing his hands. _Give me_ , his action reads.

“What,” Donghyuck pouts, “You’re not going to even invite me in?”

Renjun shakes his head, “Food is your entry ticket.”

Donghyuck whines, “But it’s cold!” He hugs himself tighter with his coat to showcase just how _freezing_ cold it is. Renjun can’t deny that though, with winter coming into a full swing and snow falling a little bit too heavily, Renjun’s just thankful that their flat is warm.

But still. Renjun wouldn’t be himself if he would give in easily, right?

Renjun shrugs, acting nonchalant and as if his toes aren’t freezing inside his fuzzy slippers, “I said what I said.”

“Fine, you need it anyways,” Donghyuck scowls, handing the small bag over to Renjun. Renjun steps aside, letting him in, muttering a small thank you.

“So how was Jeju?” Renjun asks, closing the door behind him. Donghyuck makes a beeline towards Renjun’s room, immediately—-and shamelessly—- removes his scarf and coat before throwing himself onto Renjun’s bed. Pulling the duvet on top of him and sighing, clearly pleased with the warmth.

“You know,” He says, snuggling more onto the duvet, “Cold.”

“Right,” Renjun nods, sitting on his bed by Donghyuck’s feet. “ _Of course_ it’s cold.” He rolls his eyes.

“Well, what answer were you expecting?” Donghyuck lifts a brow, lying to his side and propping his head with a hand.

“I don’t know?” Renjun shrugs, ”Fun stories?”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue, “If you mean me spending my days asleep like a hibernating bear, then be my guest.” He yawns. He lets his head fall back to the pillow, a satisfied noise leaving his lips. Renjun only responds with an eye-roll, a smile playing on his lips.

Though Donghyuck says that, Renjun knows from his tone that he enjoyed the vacation still—-it’s where he lived for some time in his life after all. It’s quite envying for Renjun to see how easy it is for Donghyuck to go back to Jeju as opposed to him going back to China, but he’s happy that his friend at least got the taste of his home.

Plus, at least Donghyuck brought him something too.

Renjun opens the small bag, excited to see what it contains. He takes one out of the—-quite a few—-items inside. He looks at it and it somehow looks very familiar.

And then it clicks.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun calls out to him.

“Yeah?” Donghyuck lifts his head to look at Renjun.

“These,” Renjun looks at him, lifting the bag right next to his face for emphasis, ”Are the exact type of food that you can buy in the convenience store nearby.”

Donghyuck nods, “Yeah, and?”

Renjun furrows his brows in confusion, “I thought you said it’s from Jeju?”

“Ugh,” Donghyuck sighs in exasperation, “It is,” He nods, “It’s from a convenience store,” He smirks, ”In _Jeju_.”

Renjun groans, letting himself fall onto his bed, “What did I even expect?”

“Hey!” Renjun looks at Donghyuck, who’s already pouting, “At least I got your favourite green grapes and peaches!”

Renjun reaches for an item inside his bag, he takes it out and waves it. “You mean green grapes and peach _flavoured gum_.”

Donghyuck nods, “It’s _something._ ” He winks at Renjun.

Renjun groans in frustration, taking the pillow beside him and throwing it at Donghyuck, “Get out.”

“You love me,” Donghyuck says smugly, his tone filled with cheesiness and his face scrunched up in a _‘cute’_ face.

Renjun sighs deeply, putting the bag to the side before crawling next to Donghyuck and plopping himself, “Sadly.” He sighs exaggeratedly.

He looks at Donghyuck before Donghyuck stares back. Seconds pass before Donghyuck tackles him into a hug in which Renjun doesn’t even resist. He knows that the more he resists, the more Donghyuck will keep doing it after all—-in Donghyuck’s words, it’s _annoyance with affection._

That’s how Renjun finds the both of them lying down on Renjun’s bed on a lazy afternoon on New Years’ eve with Renjun aimlessly scrolling through his phone while Donghyuck has his arms wrapped around Renjun, nonchalantly humming.

“Renjunnie~” Donghyuck purrs for the fifth time within the past hour, nuzzling his face against the back of Renjun’s head, his cheek rubbing his hair.

“What?” Renjun answers for the fifth time within the past hour, too.

“Your hair smells disgusting,” Donghyuck says.

Renjun rolls his eyes, “You’re just smelling yourself.”

Donghyuck gasps, “Excuse me—” He suddenly gets cut off when they hear the doorbell buzz. He freezes in place, debating whether or not he should go and get it.

To be frank, Renjun’s too lazy and cozy to go stand up and open the door. Other than Donghyuck, he’s pretty sure he hasn’t invited anyone over—-and he doubts Sicheng and Kun would come unannounced—so there’s really no reason for him to get the door.

 _I mean,_ Renjun thinks, _What if it’s one of those serial killers that suddenly come at winter to kidnap you and kill you in a forest where no one would be able to find your dead body and—_

“Renjun!” Donghyuck whines, snapping him out of his thoughts. Renjun groans in response. He’s _really_ not in the mood to fight some serial killer right now. The doorbell keeps on ringing and it’s getting _really_ annoying.

Renjun sits up in annoyance, lazily looking at Donghyuck who has already taken one of Renjun’s _Moomin_ comic books from his nightstand, “Hide the body for me?”

Donghyuck hums, nodding, “I have always wanted to taste human meat.”

Renjun looks at him disbelief, he already feels bile on his throat at the thought, “Ew, Donghyuck,” He scrunches his nose, “I don’t even want to imagine—”

“Hey, they say it tastes like chicken, okay?” Donghyuck defends himself, “Did you know—”

“—No, and I don’t want to know—”

“—there was even a guy who—”

“—Hyuck stop—”

“—Cut off his dick—”

Renjun immediately gets up, “No no no,” He covers his ears, “I don’t want to listen to your cannibalistic ideas and whatever that guy did to his dick, it’s Christmas and not Halloween.”  

“New years,” Donghyuck corrects, “And I’m just giving out a suggestion okay?”

“Yeah yeah,” Renjun says already leaving the door.

Whoever this impatient person is better be reasonable. Not only did they annoy them with the doorbell but they also ruined Renjun’s time lying around and _actually_ making him get up.

Renjun gets to the door and opens it—

“Jaemin?” Renjun questions, “What are you doing here?”

“Just got home from work and let me tell you, I do _not_ want to go back to the flat.” He says swiftly, clearly shivering. Renjun steps aside and lets him in.

“Why? What happened?” Renjun asks, concerned. Jaemin doesn’t really seem the type to overreact about something so it must be pretty serious.

“I think I’m scarred for life at the image of our best friends’ having their tongues buried inside each others’ throat, thank you.”

Renjun takes it back. Jaemin is _definitely_ the type to overreact and exaggerate.

“Renjun who are you talking to—” Renjun quickly snaps his attention towards Donghyuck who has just gotten out of his room. Donghyuck’s eyes widen, his mouth falling into an _o_. “Jaemin?” Donghyuck says almost in disbelief. “The heck are you doing here?”

Jaemin also seems to have momentarily become frozen, “It’s your first time seeing me again in two years and this is how you greet me?” Jaemin rolls his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest. Though, Renjun’s sure he can hear fondness laced around his tone.

Donghyuck walks towards them and loops an arm around Renjun’s neck, “Look,” Donghyuck exclaims, “You disturbed our cuddle session together—”

“—You mean you cuddling me—”

“— _Our_ cuddle session,” Donghyuck emphasises, tightening his hold around Renjun’s neck, almost choke holding him, “So I don’t think that warrants you a warm welcome,” Donghyuck says, huffing. As if mocking him, that’s when Donghyuck’s stomach decided to growl.

Right. They haven’t eaten anything for lunch—too busy catching up with one another to even prepare food, not that Renjun had planned to eat anything other than cup noodles if he were to be alone.

Still.

Jaemin perks up, a wide smile on his face, “Well, I can help with that,” He says, “Pizza?”

Donghyuck quickly brightens up moving quickly right next to Jaemin, looping an arm by his neck which makes Jaemin crouch a little, “See? This is why you’re my favourite.” He praises. Renjun rolls his eyes at the comment, a smile playing on his lips.

It’s nice seeing his two friends—okay, he still isn’t sure if Jaemin and he are friends but—getting along together. Though they _did_ meet earlier than Renjun did with either of them, it’s nice seeing it actually happen in front of him.

Jaemin scrunches his nose, “Just let me stay here, I don’t want to see my flatmate sucking faces with his boyfriend anymore.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place!” He makes a kissy face, “Let me give you a kiss!”

Jaemin tries to evade Donghyuck’s lips, “Uh, Renjun?” He glances at Renjun as he tries to keep his head away, “Any help?”

Renjun shrugs, “He’s your problem now.” He says before turning on the tv and sitting on the couch.

“Renjunnie, if you think you can escape me and my love, you’re dead wrong,” Donghyuck says before throwing himself next to Renjun, wrapping his arms around Renjun.

“Wow, it feels like it was only yesterday when you gave that love to us,” Jaemin laments, flopping next to Renjun.

“Yeah, two years ago before you and Jeno ghosted me,” Donghyuck says.

Jaemin rolls his eyes, “The first year was our fault but the second year was yours.” He crosses his arms.

“High School is shit,” Is what Donghyuck says.

“But college is way shittier,” Renjun interrupts.

“Yeah, which is why I wonder how these two losers survived high school and how they’re surviving right now,” Donghyuck scrunches his nose.

“What do you mean?” Renjun asks, feeling suddenly lost, “I mean shouldn’t you ask the same to the both of us?”

“I guess?” Donghyuck says, “But as far as I know, Jaemin and Jeno is working already or something.”

Jaemin coughs, “I wouldn’t call it work? Just part-time, really.”

“Why would you need to though?” Renjun furrows his brows, “Aren’t you like...rich or something? No offence.”

Jaemin chuckles, “Non-taken,” He dismisses, “I guess it’s to help the family business in a way?”

“Wait, don’t tell me, you don’t know?” Donghyuck says, almost in surprise.

“Don’t know what?” What _is_ he missing here?

“Jaemin’s family business?”

“Uhm, no?” Renjun answers sounding unsure but in reality—-he knows nothing.

“Where do you live? Under a rock?”

“Do you think I go outside?” Half-exaggeration. Renjun can almost count the number of times he went outside that doesn’t include going to school and going to the cafe.

“Right,” Donghyuck cross his arms, nodding, “Forgot about that detail.”

“It’s not like you go outside of yours too, you caveman,”

“Well, at least I’m still more informed,”

“Yeah right, you didn’t even know Jaemin studies at the same uni as us,”

“That’s not the point," Donghyuck dismisses, "Point is, they own a fashion line here in Korea and that loser over there, actually models for it”

“Ohh, that’s amazing,” Renjun nods in awe, “But isn’t it tiring?” He asks. He can’t imagine the exhaustion working students go through. It’s just adding work on top of work. Sure, Renjun sometimes opens commissions, but he rarely does and barely opens it until he actually needs it—-plus that was back in high school. He can’t imagine doing it in college.

(Though he has heard that it really does get better after the first year, less stressful and stuff. Renjun has things he wants to try doing so hopefully he can next year.)

“Kind of?” Jaemin hums, “I like it, I’m fine with it, it’s just hard catching up with lectures that I miss because of shoots.”

“So how will you survive with that on your schedule though?” It’s Donghyuck who asks this time.

Jaemin shrugs, “Told them to give me fewer schedules until graduation, so I think I’ll be fine.” He smiles.

Renjun can’t imagine. He already thinks that besides the works given by school is stressful, just the general unspoken expectations is even more stressful—-may it be his own expectations for himself or others’ expectations. In any kind of way, Renjun doesn’t like the idea of disappointing anyone and he can only imagine what Jaemin probably has on his shoulders.

“Anyways,” Donghyuck says. He plops onto the couch, his head on the armrest as he places his feet on top of Renjun’s thighs, crossing his legs. ”I want a pepperoni pizza,” He suddenly brightens up, suddenly remembering something, “Oh, I know a place that has a buy one take one promo!” He sits up, grabbing his phone from his pocket and immediately scrolling.

“Hawaiian?” Jaemin scrunches his nose, “Who eats that nowadays?”

Donghyuck groans, “It’s not about the type of pizza Jaemin,” He says, “It’s about the quantity and how much you’ll get it for,” He snorts, “Aren’t you in a business major, you should know about this.”

“First off, that’s just stereotyping, and second,” Jaemin looks at Renjun, “Do _you_ eat Hawaiian?”

Renjun shrugs, he could care less, “It’s still food?” He leans back onto the couch, putting a hand on his stomach, “If _I_ were to decide though,” He says, “I’d want to eat hotpot right now.”

“But hotpot can’t be delivered.” Jaemin states.

“Exactly,” Renjun nods, “Some sacrifices have to be made so I’ll settle for pizza of any type.”

“That’s so cute of you,” Jaemin coos, moving his hand to pinch Renjun’s cheek but Renjun slaps it before it even touches him. Renjun hisses at him.

Looking at Donghyuck, “So how’d you even know about the pizza place?” Renjun asks.

“Remember that writer guy I’m helping with?” Renjun nods, Jaemin shakes his head. “Yeah well,” Donghyuck continues, ignoring Jaemin,”When I was in Jeju he kind of kept calling me at midnight to ask for some random details and questions. So in turn _he_ ordered pizza for me.”  Donghyuck smirks, “Not sure how he paid for it though, but I’m not complaining.”

“He sounds really passionate about it,” Renjun comments.

“He is,” Donghyuck nods, “It’s admirable, really. He keeps worrying about his writing, wanting it to be in the best quality as it can be and keeps on fact checking and stuff.” He scrunches his nose, “I even have to tell him that he should take a rest when he can, the idiot doesn’t know when to stop.”

Renjun grins, nudging Donghyuck, “Aww, is that a crush I hear?” He teases and he’s ready to form a comeback for Donghyuck, only for him not to say anything. Renjun’s eyes widens in shock, “What?” He exclaims, “You have a crush on that guy?”

Donghyuck scowls, “Stop,” He says, “If you say it, it only becomes more real and _I_ ,” He emphasises, “Don’t want to accept feelings, thank you very much.”

“Aww, why not Hyuckie?” Renjun pinches Donghyuck’s cheeks.

“Because that’s _gay_ ,” Donghyuck says.

Renjun rolls his eyes, shaking his head, “ _You’re_ gay, Hyuck.”

“I know and that’s even _worse_ ,” Donghyuck says in distaste, “He’s a whole damn hetero.”

Renjun lifts a brow, “How’d you know about that?”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue, “I have to suffer hearing and seeing him call me ‘ _dude_ ’ and _‘bro’_ on the daily.” He grits his teeth, “So _I_ also have to call him _‘dude’_ and _‘bro_ ’.” He huffs, “He should be lucky he’s cute or else I would’ve whooped his ass.”

“Ah, so you find him cute then?” Renjun wiggles his eyebrows.

“Was that the only thing you got from that?”

Renjun shrugs, a smirk on his face, “Sorry, I have selective hearing on what information is important and what isn’t.”

“Besides,” Jaemin butts in, “Getting called a _dude-bro_ isn’t that bad,” He says, “I mean my flatmate and his boyfriend calls each other that from time to time and they are still gay.” He scrunches his nose, probably from an unwelcomed memory.

 _Ah_ , Renjun suddenly remembers before snickering, “Yeah, _so_ gay they have each others’ tongues—”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. It really seems to be a thing of his. “Stop,” He says, “I thought I’d be able to cleanse my mind with your cute face but you keep giving me war flashbacks.”

Donghyuck snorts, “Your first mistake was thinking you can cleanse your mind with Renjun’s face,” Renjun gasps, slapping him by the arm, Donghyuck hisses, “See that? That’s a devil in disguise.”

“How did this conversation end up being about me?” Renjun pouts, “Last time I checked we were talking about Pizza.”

“Right,” Donghyuck nods, he claps his hands, “Chop chop and do your job Jaemin!”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, “Okay, okay,” He relents, “Pepperoni, right?” He says before standing up. Donghyuck hands Jaemin his phone—Renjun assumes the number of the Pizza parlour would be there. “Be right back.”

Once Jaemin’s out of hearing range, Renjun whispers in a low voice, “How’d it happen?” He says. It feels like he’s gossiping.

“How did what happen?” Donghyuck whispers back.

“You know, your thing with whatever-his-name-was,” Renjun says, “Like how did you know you like him?”

Donghyuck shrugs, “There are just things you don’t expect to happen, Renjunnie.”

 

* * *

 

 _“Oh my god, Jaemin you’re a pineapple on pizza kind of guy.”_  

_“No? I just don’t mind it?”_

_“No, it’s okay Jaemin, everyone has flaws and we accept you for who you are and your flaws, right Hyuck?”_

_“Nope. Perish in pineapple on pizza hell, Jaemin.”_

 

* * *

 

_“Renjun ate the most right.”_

_“Yep.”_

_“How is he still that small?”_

_“Imps don’t grow, Jaemin.”_

_“Hyuck, we’re literally almost the same height.”_

_“Exactly.”_

 

* * *

 

_“Donghyuck? Jaemin?”_

 

_“Yeah?”_

_“Mhmm?”_

 

_“Happy new year.”_

 

* * *

 

 _“So does Mike Wazowski wink or blink?”_  

_“Jaemin?”_

_“Yes, Renjun?”_

_“Shut up.”_

 

* * *

 

The start of Jaemin and Renjun’s….weird, for the lack of better word, meetings starts out a little more normal compared to their past accidental meetings.

Renjun is in the cafe again, lining up for his daily dose of tea—-mainly because he woke up a little too early today and the fact that he ran out of tea to drink. It’s been too cold lately, after all. He has been treating tea almost like a substitute for water, almost the only thing he’s been drinking other than the occasional hot chocolate.

He orders his drink, sits down on his usual spot, and takes out his sketchpad. He looks around, surveying the place. The morning rush has just died down but the cafe is still full in some way. He taps on his fingers on the table, waiting for his tea to come and wake him up.

He then suddenly feels a presence beside him and—

“Boo.”

“Ah!” Renjun shrieks, turning around and seeing Jaemin, “What the fuck?” He slaps Jaemin by the arm, his heartbeat racing. “What was that for?”

Jaemin smiles brightly, “Good morning to you too,” He greets, unbothered.

Renjun’s eyes follow him as Jaemin sits in front of him, “Are you following me?”

Jaemin lifts a brow, “Why would I follow you?”

Renjun shrugs, “Because I’m good-looking?”

Jaemin smiles wider, “I can’t disagree but no,” He chuckles, Renjun suddenly somehow feels embarrassed with the affirmation of his claim, ”I got an Americano.” He shows his cup of _iced_ americano. Renjun scrunches his face, wouldn’t Jaemin have a stomach ache with that?

“Okay, see you then,” Renjun says, dismissing him.

Jaemin ignores this, however, “Do you always come here?”

“Why?” Renjun questions.

Jaemin shrugs, “I don’t think I ever noticed you?” He says in deep thought.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Renjun says. It’s not like Renjun stands out, and it’s not like he’s trying to anyway.

“Please,” Jaemin smirks, “I always notice cute boys.”

“And this cute boy,” Renjun says, trying not to get embarrassed by the claim, “Doesn’t want to be noticed by you, of all people,” He states.

“Who said you were the cute boy?” Jaemin leans forward, a grin on his face.

“You were implying,” Renjun points out, “Plus, I know I’m cute.”

Jaemin only rolls his eyes, “Are you sure you weren’t ditched again?”

“Not this time,” Renjun shakes his head, “This is a conscious decision.”

“To get ditched?” Jaemin snickers.

“No!” Renjun says, “To be alone, I mean.”

“Mhmm,” Jaemin hums, almost as if he’s not believing Renjun.

“The atmosphere and the place is really great for art so…” Renjun tries to explain.

“Ah right,” Jaemin sips on his Americano, “Art major, right?”

Renjun nods, “Yep.”

“So you’re in the same building as—” He gets cut off by a phone ringing. He takes his phone out, “Ah, sorry to cut this short,” He suddenly says, standing up, “I need to go.”

“Sure, see yourself out,” Renjun smiles, tight lipped.

“I’ll see you again,” Jaemin winks.

Renjun rolls his eyes, “Who says you will?”

“I have an eye for spotting cute boys.” He says before leaving.

_Jaemin is definitely something._

 

* * *

 

And somehow after that, they started to meet more frequently.

 

* * *

 

_“Do you ever drink anything other than an Americano?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Then why don't you?”_

_“Why would I?”_

_“The amount of caffeine you're having is a bit concerning and you might get a caffeine overdose.”_

Jaemin shrugs and Renjun doesn’t question it.

 

* * *

 

_“Hey, Renjun.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“When do you think I’ll be able to get your number?”_

_“Never.”_

 

* * *

 

_“Why do you have two drinks?” Renjun asks, confused._

_“I figured we’d meet here anyways so why not treat you?”_

_“I’m not saying no to free drinks but don’t expect we’ll meet again after this.”_

_“Of course I won’t,” Jaemin says playfully knowing full well to not believe Renjun’s bullshit._

_“Good.” He takes the drink anyways._

 

* * *

 

_“Hey Renjun, I’ll be grocery shopping, do you need anything?”_

_“Nope.”_

_“Really? What about your tea, which brand should I buy this time?”_

_Renjun hums, “You don’t have to.”_

_“Ha?” Xuxi exclaims in disbelief, “Why? Are you turning over a new leaf?”_

_Renjun shakes his head, “There’s a cafe nearby where I can buy some anyway.”_

_“But you hate waking up early.”_

_Renjun only hums in response._

 

* * *

 

It’s Xuxi’s birthday.

Earlier plans of a party—-even a downsized one—-didn’t quite go as well as planned despite all the planning they have done. Deadlines happened, sudden important plans came up, and all of the sudden, they are unable to do it as Xuxi would’ve expected and liked. But of course, that doesn’t stop them.

Although Kun and Sicheng couldn’t come due to their own personal things coming up—-which he and Xuxi took well, considering they were also fighting against deadlines—-Kun has sent ingredients for Renjun to make hotpot while Sicheng bought a cake and had it delivered directly to them.

But Xuxi doesn’t know that, of course.

All Xuxi knows is this: The part is cancelled. There are no plans to do anything but laze around. Mark is busy preparing for a report, Jaemin has work, and Renjun is polishing his works before submitting them.

So, technically, all Xuxi knows it that his party has gone to shits and balls (quite literally since he got invited to a game of basketball by some seniors) and there’s no event planned but to watch movies together with Renjun.

(At least that’s the reason Renjun told him when he asked Xuxi to buy some snacks and drinks from the convenience store— a task to give them extra time for preparations.)

However, Renjun isn’t a shit friend nor is Jaemin, and much less Mark.

So what he doesn’t know is this: Renjun is done with his works and has already submitted them days prior, Jaemin has a free day, and Mark never had any report to do.

The three of them are now in Renjun and Xuxi’s dorms, preparing the food and decorations for when Xuxi comes home. Mark is attaching all of the strings and streamers to the ceiling, some banners they rushed printing, and blowing up some balloons they found lying around. Jaemin is finishing up his steak while Renjun is just adding the final touches of his _Mala Xiang Guo_.

“Do you guys need any help?” Mark suddenly barges in, “Plates? Seasoning? Drinks? Soy sauce?” He raps.

“Mark, calm down,” Jaemin says, “He won’t be here until…?” Jaemin looks at Renjun.

Renjun takes his phone and checks the time, “Not until thirty more minutes.” He puts it back on his pocket, turning to Mark. “As Jaemin said, relax. It’ll be fine, he’ll love it.” He turns back to mixing his Mala Xiang Guo, “Sit down, you’ve done enough.”

He hears a chair being pulled, “I hope so, this was really impulsive of us to do.”

Renjun takes a plate and pours the Mala Xiang Guo on it. It _is_ pretty impulsive, considering that Kun had only informed him about the box on the day of its arrival (when they asked him about it, Kun must’ve been really busy for him not to inform them as soon as he could) and Sicheng only giving them a heads up two days prior, it was certainly a mess.

It did help, though, Mark had initially planned to just bring Xuxi out on a date—-his treat—-before Xuxi and Renjun will have a movie marathon together. Thankfully, because of Kun and Sicheng, Mark and Jaemin had thought of this whole surprise and told Renjun about it. Though quite late (they informed him about the plan just yesterday night), Renjun’s sure it would work.

He believes in Mark’s leadership in getting this done and really—-Xuxi doesn’t really expect anything in the first place, knowing him, the fact that Mark and Jaemin are here is probably enough.

Plus, Xuxi would definitely love anything Mark does.

“We’re close to finishing these anyways,” Jaemin says, putting the steaks on individual plates, “Just setting them up is all that’s left, right?” He raises an eyebrow at Renjun.

Renjun nods, “No need to worry, after this we only have the cake to take out from the box.” He places the used pan in the sink, filled with the other utensils they used.

“Why don’t you set it up with Mark?” Jaemin asks Renjun, “I’ll wash those dishes.”

“You don’t have to?” Renjun says, “I used most of these so it’s only right I’ll clean it up.”

“It’s fine, Renjun,” Jaemin smiles, approaching Renjun with his own empty and used pan, “As you said, you already cooked two of the dishes anyways, you don’t need to do this anymore.” He slightly moves towards Renjun’s side, making Renjun step away.

“But—” Renjun wants to say.

“But nothing, just go help Mark up and reassure him that it’s fine,” He says, glancing at Mark who’s busy with his phone. Probably asking Xuxi on where he is.

Renjun puts his lips into a straight line, torn. Technically, it’s Xuxi and his flat so he’s responsible—but he knows that this isn’t enough of a reason for Jaemin. Under Jaemin pointed gaze, he only nods.

“Just tell me if you need help.” He says instead, though he knows Jaemin wouldn’t.

Jaemin nods, “Now go before Mark starts to worry again.” He smiles.

Renjun nods again, heading to the fridge to get the cake. “Mark, can you carry this?” He asks to divert Mark’s attention. Mark looks up and immediately places his phone back into his pocket before getting the cake from Renjun’s hands.

“Sure, the coffee table, right?” Renjun nods, “Yeah, I can do that.”

Renjun carries out the dishes he and Jaemin made, carefully trying not to ruin Jaemin’s garnishing. He enters the living area and his eyes widen, a smile on his face.

“This looks great,” Renjun says, to no one in particular but loud enough for Mark to hear.

“You think so?”

Renjun nods, “Yeah,” He says, looking at the streamers that has Lucas’ name spelt out, the walls filled with various pictures. Pictures of Mark and Xuxi(Renjun recognises one of them from their first date, a picture Xuxi had shown him), some selcas of Jaemin and Xuxi (That Renjun didn’t even know existed), Xuxi with Kun, Xuxi with Sicheng, Xuxi and Renjun(Some were the ones that they took from their field trips in high school), and the whole Chinese gang. “You really included everyone huh?” He places the dishes on the table.

Mark shyly nods, “I tried my best,” He says, “I wanted to still show Xuxi that their presence here even if they physically aren’t.”

“You just made it sound like they died.”

Mark groans, “You know what I mean.” Mark starts to unravel the box.

Renjun laughs, “Kidding, okay?” He sits on the couch, watching Mark. “Just loosen up a little, Xuxi would really like this.”

Mark sighs, “I hope so,” He looks at Renjun, “Thanks for agreeing to the plan, I was scared you wouldn’t want to push through with it.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Renjun says, “It’s the least thing I can do to make Xuxi happy, I would never have thought of doing this.” He looks around the room, “Plus this is all you.”

Mark sits beside him, sighing again, “I just want to make him happy, you know.”

Renjun frowns, “But you already do though?”

Mark shakes his head, “Compared to him making me happy? I don’t think I can compare.” He chuckles, “I guess that’s what it does to you, you would always want to see the person you like happy.”

Renjun looks at him, “You really love him, huh?” He states instead, not knowing what elese to say.

Mark nods, ‘Yeah I do.”

As if on cue, Jaemin enters the room. “Quick, he’s approaching!” He says, closing all the lights. He uses the light from his phone screen to navigate the way next to Renjun. Renjun suddenly feels his heart rate speed up, the excitement overtaking him. He suddenly can’t wait—-he can’t stop smiling. Xuxi would love this, would enjoy this.

They wait in silence, each second passing by feeling like forever. Renjun swears he can hear all of their heartbeats racing—-in excitement, nervousness, and all that. He can’t imagine what Mark feels.

The door opens—

“Renjun?” Xuxi calls out, “Why are the lights off?” He turns on the lights.

On cue, Mark, Jaemin, and he jumps.

“Happy birthday Xuxi!” They yell. Xuxi stands by the wall, eyes wide, obvious surprise written on his face with his mouth formed into a smile.

No one says anything for a moment, the next thing Renjun knows is that Xuxi is already tackling him and Jaemin into a huge bearhug.

“Didn’t expect to see this coming, man!” He says, obvious happiness in his voice.

“Me too,” Renjun comments, “It’s all Mark’s idea,” Renjun smiles, glancing at Mark who gives him a deadly glare.

As expected, Xuxi moves to hover in front of Mark. Renjun can see Xuxi’s eyes practically brighten up more—-if that’s even possible—-and he can almost _feel_ the happiness Xuxi radiates. The big smile on his face just stays there as Xuxi looks at Mark. He looks at Mark as if he just found the love of his life—-which is probably the case.

Mark, on the other hand, has turned red—from shyness, Renjun assumes—-with the tips of his ears glowing red and his eyes averted from Xuxi. Xuxi snakes his hands to grasp Mark’s, squeezing it tightly. Mark then looks at Xuxi.

“Thank you, Mark,” Is all Xuxi says before he engulfs Mark into a hug, making Mark bury his face against Xuxi’s chest.

It’s like a good cheesy movie that he can’t just look away from.

His chest explodes with warmth seeing Xuxi happy—-only more so by seeing Mark happy as well. He feels at ease every time this happens—-knowing that the both of them makes each other happy, that somehow the happiness inside them only multiplies when they are each other.

It’s what they deserve, and more.

Renjun looks to his side and sees Jaemin looking at Xuxi and Mark too. A giddy smile on his face. He probably thinks the same—-that it’s amazing to see how two people can only be happier. Jaemin’s eyes are filled with fondness—-even though Renjun knows that he’ll complain about it late, saying that they are being too cheesy or too cringe.

Renjun looks back at Xuxi and Mark.

_It would be nice if..._

 

* * *

 

“Looking at Lucas and Mark kinda makes you want to have one like that, don’t you think?” Jaemin suddenly brings up.

They are currently walking together on the way to Jaemin and Mark’s flat. The crisp, cold winter air of January heightened by the night shakes Renjun to his core. He wants nothing but to run to the flat and relish in the warmth of a blanket. But he doesn’t, he’s too scared to slip on the icy road they walk on.

After they had all eaten together, Jaemin and Renjun decided to go wash the dishes together—and somehow they both decided to leave the two together. At first, Renjun was quite hesitant about the idea—sure Jaemin and he are friends, but sleeping over? That’s a whole different story.

But of course, his love for Xuxi prevails. So he accepts the offer, just for Xuxi to spend more private time with Mark and vice versa. It’s what they deserve, considering they weren’t able to see each other as much during the week.

It was also pretty nice and sweet of Jaemin to suggest something like this.

“Have what?” Renjun scoffs, burying his hands further deep down his pockets’ coat. It’s too cold for him. “Other halves? In college?” Renjun questions.

“Yeah,” Jaemin nods, “It’s cute, right? I mean it personally makes me want to have one.”

 _Sure_ being friends with Mark and Xuxi and looking at them makes Renjun want to have one, but Renjun has hung out in the cafe more times than he would like to know that not everyone has something like what Mark and Xuxi has.

God knows how many silent break ups—-or silent treatments leading up to it—-that Renjun has unknowingly witness right before his eyes, not quite understanding as it’s happening and only for it to sink in after one of them walks out, making the other silently sob before following suit.

More often than not, their drinks are left untouched.

Renjun lifts a brow, instead, he asks, “Why not?” Tilting his head to the side, “You clearly have a lot of love to give, whoever you’ll end up dating would be lucky.” He says.

For the time Renjun has met Jaemin and had gotten closer, Renjun had notice the attention Jaemin gives for mundane things and the obvious love and care through physical affection he gives towards his friends—-a thing that Mark, Donghyuck, and he get the short end of. He’s already pretty sweet with his friends, Renjun can only wonder what he would be like to a girlfriend(or boyfriend, he doesn’t really know much about Jaemin’s preferences).

It also doesn’t help the fact that Jaemin acts like a whole Disney Prince charming with the qualities of a Disney Princess.

(Renjun wouldn’t be surprised if Jaemin can talk to mice and birds.)

Jaemin chuckles, shaking his head, “Thanks but I can’t.”

Renjun  furrows his brows further, in confusion, “What do you mean?” _It’s not really a matter of can and can’t, isn’t it? But more of a wanting it and not wanting it._

“My parents already have plans for me,” He says nonchalantly, taking the keys from his pocket.

 _Okay_ , maybe it is a matter of _can_ and _can’t_.

But _Plans?_ _Didn’t people already stop doing that in the 80s?_ Instead, Renjun asks, “And that is?” He trails, expectantly waiting for a follow up—-an explanation.

Jaemin glances at him before opening the door and entering the flat, “Graduate at 22, date and get engaged at 23, get married at 25, have kids before 28.”

Renjun furrows his brows. That sounds sad. It’s too planned. Plans are great—-but to have such surety about the way one’s life should go—-that’s just scary. Too many expectations to fulfill. “And you’re not opposed to it?” Renjun questions instead, taking off his coat and scarf, hanging them by the hooks against the wall.

“Why would I?” Jaemin shrugs his own coat off, “It’s not like they are forcing me or anything?” He says and it’s weird to Renjun on how he’s taking this so easily. Not that Renjun wouldn’t—-if it were him, he’s sure he would have a freak out for a few days before succumbing to his parents’ wishes. “I don’t really have anything else that I want?”He says, before going to the kitchen with Renjun in trail. ”What about you though?”

“I don’t know?” Renjun wonders, sitting on a bar stool, watching Jaemin fill the electric kettle with water, “All I really know is that I’ll be going back to China as soon as I graduate, you know, putting up my own works in an exhibit and stuff.”

Jaemin chuckles, “Sounds like you,” He says

Renjun nods, “I guess nothing feels better than home.” He wraps his arms around himself, warming himself up.

“Mhmm,” Jaemin hums, pouring the hot water into two mugs. Renjun watches Jaemin reach for the pantry and get a box that looks awfully familiar.

“Since when did you drink tea?” Renjun asks. With all the mornings they have spent together in the cafe, he has not once seen Jaemin drink any sort of tea—-except for that Green Tea Frappe once or twice, but that doesn’t count.

Jaemin shrugs, “I never said I didn’t?” He puts a tea bag on one of the mugs before getting instant coffee from one of the containers on the table, “I just prefer coffee, that’s all.” Jaemin places the cup in front of Renjun.

Renjun eyes him suspiciously, “Right, you and your coffee addiction." 

Jaemin nods, before freezing up in realisation, “I don’t have a coffee addiction.”

Renjun snorts, “Right, says you and your multiple shots of espresso.” He nods, “Definitely an addiction.”

“It’s called having _taste_ , tea drinker.”

“Hey!” Renjun says, “Tea is healthier than Coffee, excuse you, and didn’t you just say that you also drink tea?”

“I do, it’s not my go to though. That tea?” He motions to Renjun’s cup, “I bought that for you,” He smiles, “I figured you would be more comfortable visiting here if I did.”

“Who said I’d be visiting you?”

Jaemin eyes him wearily, “Mark and Xuxi’s bond.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, “Right, no escape.” He says, sipping on his tea.

Jaemin smiles, “At this rate, we’re going to get stuck together until graduation.”

“I hope not,” Renjun says, “We’ve only been together since the afternoon and I’m already tired of you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Renjun shrugs, a coy smile playing on his lips, but he doesn’t reply.

 

* * *

 

Renjun slips on one of Jaemin’s sweater for extra warmth.

“Are you sure it’s alright?” He asks, unsure. It’s quite loose on him—-not as much as Xuxi’s, but still. It’s loose enough for the sleeves to take over his hands.

It is very warm though.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jaemin asks back, folding the other—-bigger—- sweaters back into his closet.

“I don’t want to impose more than I already am.”

Jaemin closes his cabinet, taking a good look at Renjun, “You’re so cute,” He says, a smile on his face.

Renjun puts on the hood over his head, crossing his arms, “Swag.”

Jaemin just smiles wider, “I’m not wrong.”

 

* * *

_“What about for your birthday?” Jaemin suddenly asks, “What do you want to do?”._

_Renjun shrugs, “Nothing grand? I don’t really like big celebrations,” He hums, “I guess if given the chance though, I’d want to stargaze and see the sunrise.”_

_Jaemin hums, “That’s so simple.”_

_“Is that bad?”_

_Jaemin shakes his head, “It’s you.” He smiles._

_Renjun feels something weird in his stomach, he probably ate too much hotpot._

 

* * *

 

It’s the first time in a while that Renjun has felt this again. Too often than Renjun would like, or _anyone_ would, for that matter. It gnaws at the depths of his heart, each corner is left discovered. Like he has been cut open, his whole, entire self is exposed to the public, horribly and humiliating so. It’s like the fire that Renjun has been trying to take care of started to burn—-too big, too fast, too out of hand for Renjun to control and now that fire is engulfing him, _consuming_ him. His thoughts are like gas that makes the fire burn more.

The pain travels like a virus in his bloodstream, one by one exploring all the crooks and crannies of his body. Consuming his limbs and organs. A dull ache can be felt in his every limb. It’s hard for him to talk, to walk, to even _speak_. The pain in his chest keeps throbbing, the agonising pain can’t be ignored. His breathing is shallow and his mind races a thousand thoughts. Renjun wants to claw his organs out just to stop the pain—-stop the metaphorical stabbing he feels in his stomach.

 _He isn’t good enough_ , Renjun’s mind says, _his works isn’t enough_ . Memories of him painting and drawing suddenly flashes in his mind and he _hates it._ He thinks about the things he should’ve done better, things that he could’ve done better—-but he’s too bad at it. Too horrible. His works is a mess and is disgusting to look at. He _hates_ art.

Renjun knows though, that inside him. That’s not true. He loves art with all of his heart and soul. It’s just that _horrible_ self-hatred of not being able to reach the standard he has for himself is awful. He hates it. He knows he’s doing good enough, at the least, to receive an A. But somewhere in the back of his mind it

And now his head hurts. It’s like his _brain_ is hurting. Like a migraine, but not exactly. His head throbs on how much it kills him. It hurts. It hurts. _It hurts_ . Renjun doesn’t do anything. He knows he can’t do anything. He only has to wait for this to pass, again, because it _always_ does. It comes, it passes, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Self-hatred is a very painful thing.

Renjun cries, silently. It’s two in the morning of a Saturday morning but here he is, sobbing on his bed, frozen. He doesn’t want to wake Xuxi up like he always does—-Xuxi has been pretty stressed out lately, he doesn’t want to be a burden. He doesn’t want to make Xuxi hate him. Doesn’t want to be an additional baggage. Xuxi is already, visibly so, stressed with his own studies and it doesn’t help that he has been going back and forth from Korea to China.

He can’t be an empty weight for Xuxi. No, he can’t do that to him.

Renjun sobs, and it’s so stupid. He can’t move. Can’t bring his hands to his face to even wipe the tears and snot. His sobs are contained in his chest—-where it arguably hurts the most. It’s hard for him to physically breathe, a heavy weight on his chest renders him unable to do so. He feels physically numb. He has a duvet over him but he still feels the room temperature drop and he can’t help but feel his limbs grow colder. The dull ache throbs and it’s just _so hard._

By impulse, he doesn’t know what, he takes his phone from the bedside, trying his best to ignore the weight that he feels on his body—-wanting him to not move and stay still. He immediately opens his messages and calls the first person he sees—-not seeing the name but wishing for the best—-and slumps back to the bed in heavy breathes. Trying to even his breathing.

He doesn’t even know why he did it. He doesn’t even know what to do. He knows he can’t talk—-the lump on his throat too big for him to swallow. Too hard for him to open his mouth and _talk_ . He hears the phone start to ring. With every second that passes, he feels his heart rumble against his chest. He inhales deeply and exhales, trying to calm himself. His thoughts race through his mind and he doesn’t know what to focus on. A voice says _stop the call_.

And he listens.

He’s about to drop the call when the person on the other line answers.

 _“Renjun?”_ He hears a groggy voice answer, _“Are you okay?”_ The voice says and somehow this was enough for Renjun to release the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He feels his tears fall down—- _No no no, what? No stop_ , he thinks, quickly sniffling. He drops his phone to the bed and starts wiping his tears but for some reason, it _won’t stop_.

He gasps for air, each breath getting harder and harder for him. He feels suffocated, he can hear Jaemin asking questions but it’s all a blur in his ears. He knows what Jaemin is saying but somehow it doesn’t connect to him, as if Jaemin is speaking in another language Renjun can’t fully decipher. Renjun can’t stop the hiccups from his mouth. It pisses him off that his sobs are so _loud_. He bites his hand. It’s painful, but it minimizes his sobs.

Renjun doesn’t really know how much time passes. The tears have stopped, sure, but he’s still sniffling and he still feels awful. The next thing he just knows is that he hears footsteps outside of his door.

 _Xuxi?_ He questions himself, _but he doesn’t really wake up in the middle of the night?_

And suddenly his door opens and——

Renjun feels his heart rate increase by tenfold. He wraps the duvet tighter against him.

_Jaemin._

Jaemin stands by the doorway, seemingly out of breath. He takes a good look at Renjun before slowly approaching him. He doesn’t say anything, only sitting at the edge of Renjun’s bed. Renjun instinctively folds his knees towards his chest, looking at the bedsheet instead of Jaemin.

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asks, Renjun doesn’t answer. It’s more like, he _can’t_ answer rather than he doesn’t want to. “Do you need someone to hold on to?” Jaemin gently extends his hands, Renjun only stares at it before shaking his head. Jaemin sighs softly. It makes Renjun tense.

Somehow Jaemin notices and he moves towards the wall, sitting beside Renjun. Close enough for Renjun to know he’s there, but far enough to give Jaemin space.

“It’s alright,” Jaemin says. Renjun doesn’t say anything.

Renjun finds it somehow comforting—to have someone beside him—but still awfully lonely and isolating. He lets his mind wander, looking around his room and somehow he hates looking at his canvas with an unfinished painting. His mind is blank.

It’s weird. When he’s…” _in the zone_ ”, as he would call it, rather than overthinking, more often than not he finds himself blanking out, staring into space—as opposed to others who do otherwise. Just like now, he supposes, he lets his mind wander—but onto the superficial things such as the texture of the bedsheet, the colour of the walls, the temperature being too cold.

“Hey,” He hears a voice—Jaemin’s voice—call out. It’s in a soft whisper but it somehow sounds so loud in the room that drowns them in silence. Renjun likes silence, most of the time, but in times like these—he finds it appalling. This is why when he’s with Xuxi, he just lets Xuxi talk with anything.

But it’s not like he expects Jaemin to know that.

Jaemin touches him by the shoulder—it instinctively makes Renjun retreat. Jaemin notices and takes back his hand.

“Do you still feel suffocated?” He asks, softly and Renjun feels guilty that he had to retreat from his touches. He knows Jaemin only means well but he can’t help it. He really, really can’t. Renjun, knowing he won’t be able to speak, just nods.

Jaemin moves forward to the edge of the bed again almost as if to leave—but Renjun doesn’t want to. He didn’t mean it that way. Yes, Renjun feels suffocated but not necessarily because of him. Renjun appreciates— _likes_ Jaemin’s presence. Renjun opens his mouth, he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to speak properly but he doesn’t want Jaemin to go and—

Jaemin turns around, “Do you want to go for a drive?”

Renjun, not knowing how to answer to that, ends up nodding silently.

Jaemin moves in front of Renjun, positioning his back. “Come on, I’ll lift you up,” When Renjun doesn’t move he says, “I brought my car, let’s go somewhere.” Renjun doesn’t move, too confused on what to do. Jaemin senses this—-may be because he looks back at Renjun. “Do you trust me?”

Renjun slowly moves his eyes up towards Jaemin, slowly meeting his. He nods silently. _Yes, he does._

Slowly, Renjun crawls forward, and Jaemin re-positions. Renjun climbs onto Jaemin’s back, looping his arms around Jaemin’s neck and his legs on either side of Jaemin. _Too close_ , Renjun wants to say but he finds comfort in the closeness. It’s like saying _yes, your friend is here, he is physically here for you so there’s nothing to worry about._

“Bring your duvet, it might be too cold for what you’re wearing,” Jaemin says. Renjun takes his duvet and wraps it securely on his shoulders, with either end in his hands. “You alright?” Jaemin asks, Renjun only nods before Jaemin lifts him up.

Jaemin navigates through the room and the hallway with Renjun assisting him every now and then—-considering how he’s carrying him, it’s the least Renjun could do.`Jaemin doesn’t say anything throughout the ordeal and Renjun appreciates it. He appreciates that Jaemin isn’t questioning him. He appreciates that Jaemin isn’t trying to make Renjun say anything. He appreciates that Jaemin came for him.

He really, really appreciates what Jaemin’s trying to do for him right now. But it still somehow doesn’t reach him and a little voice in his head is saying that he doesn’t deserve this.

They soon reach Jaemin’s car, he puts Renjun on the shotgun seat and closing the door for him. Renjun adjusts himself and the blanket so that it’s still wrapped around him, the cold morning air coming to get him in his pyjamas. Jaemin starts the car, a slow country music playing from the speakers—Renjun recognises it as _You decorated my life_ , something he has heard from Donghyuck once or twice.

Then Jaemin drives, Renjun doesn’t know where they’re headed, but he trusts Jaemin enough to know that it will be somewhere safe—at least. He watches as the buildings they pass by, sometimes counting the poles and street lights just to be able to think of something—anything at all. He counts the number of cars per minute, there isn’t much though so it isn’t as complicated as it normally would.

He just stays there, listening to whatever song Jaemin’s playlist switches to while keeping his mind busy.

The next thing Renjun knows is that Jaemin is already parking the car facing Han river. The still dark morning sky looking amazing over the view of the river and the illuminating lights of Hannam bridge. It gives off a panoramic view of the river and the bright reflection of the bridge lights spanning away from Seoul and towards Garosugil.  It was simply breathtaking—in its own way. It somehow puts Renjun at peace and comfort.

It reminds Renjun of the Songhua river back in China and it puts him at rest. He hasn’t really been able to go far from Seoul as much as he wants to—it doesn’t really help that he rarely goes anywhere by himself too, and with his friends always being busy, it’s hard to see these places like this; in their raw, unfiltered picture-postcard states. Especially at a time like this.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Jaemin smiles at him. Renjun nods. He watches Jaemin get out and move around the car heading straight somewhere as he texts someone on his phone.

Renjun watches him walk out of sight, having no idea he plans to go. Renjun only hopes that Jaemin’s sweater is enough for him to not shiver at the cold, midnight spring breeze.

Jaemin comes back with plastics and a paper bag in hand. He removes the contents—drinks, apparently—and places it on the cupholder; one styrofoam cup and one in a clear cup.

“I bought Jasmine tea for you,” He says, “Both hot and cold, since I’m not really sure what you’d feel like drinking right now,” He adds, “And some snacks just in case.” He places it in between them, not where Renjun feels the need to take some, but enough for him to feel welcomed.

Renjun only looks at him and can only nod, though he is grateful, he isn’t entirely in the mood to say anything yet. He feels guilty, but he can only hope that Jaemin will accept his apology later on.

Jaemin takes his cup and drinks on it. Renjun’s sure he’s smelling iced americano. Renjun scrunches his nose. He can only hope that he lessened the espresso shots it has already.

“Sorry for bringing you out suddenly,” Jaemin says in between sips, “But I thought you might need the fresh air and some runaway time, you know?” He smiles. “I’m not sure why you suddenly called but,” He pinches Renjun’s cheeks, “I hope you feel better.”

Renjun wants to say a lot of things, he wants to say _No stop don’t apologise_ and he wants to relay on how much he appreciates Jaemin going out of his way for him. _Thank you for being here_ is what Renjun wants to say.

His lips morphing into a thin line, silently, Renjun lightly taps Jaemin by the thigh to get his attention. Jaemin locks his phone before looking at Renjun, a look of confusion spreading across his face. Renjun makes a hand motion of his palm facing up. Jaemin stares at him for a few moments before copying him.

Slowly, he snakes his hands onto Jaemin’s. Holding his hand.

A silent _“Thank you”_.

He feels his heart beating out of his chest. He looks at Jaemin, not knowing what to expect. Too afraid to see if he disgusted Jaemin by the action. Too nervous to see if Jaemin fook it the wrong way.

But he has to know.

Suddenly, Jaemin looks at him and smiles. His eyes crinkling and his teeth in full view.

Renjun feels his heart grow ten times in his chest.

_It’s warm._

 

* * *

 

Renjun wakes up to a really delicious smell. His stomach growl as soon as he opens his eyes. Groggily, he pushes himself to sit up, his body still feeling the exhaustion from earlier’s breakdown. Memories from it floods his mind, remembering what he did and he feels embarrassed—-will he still even be able to face Jaemin? He isn’t weirded out, right?

 _Of course not_ , a voice in his mind says, _it’s Jaemin_.

Right. It’s Jaemin. Of course, he wouldn’t mind.

Suddenly the door to his room opens and he’s engulfed by a hug.

“Dumbass!” Donghyuck says, “You know you can call me when you need someone, right?”

Renjun, mind still foggy, he answers, “Don’t you have morning classes today?”

“Pfft,” Donghyuck says, “Ditched it.”

Renjun slaps him by the arm, Hyuck shrieks in surprise, “Hyuck, don’t do that!”

“Kidding!” Donghyuck says, rubbing his arm, “It’s already noon, my classes just ended!”

Renjun sighs in relief, he wouldn’t know what to do if he found out his friend just skipped class for him. Sure it would be kind of touching but this is _school_ , it’s impractical. Every attendance counts.

Still, he smiles, “Thanks Hyuckie,” He says, pinching Donghyuck’s cheek.

“Donghyuck, what did I tell you about jumping on him?” Jaemin says, entering the room, “Great, now Renjun’s already awake.”

“Am I not supposed to be?” Renjun asks.

Jaemin crosses his arms, “No, but it’s roughly only been five hours since you slept.”

Renjun squints, “I can say that to you too.”

“I’m used to it already, while you shouldn’t be,” He rolls his eyes, “You’re also probably a lot more tired than I am.”

Renjun ignores him, “Just because you’re used to it doesn’t mean you should keep going at it.”

“Point taken but—”

 _“Okay_ ,” Donghyuck says, cuddling closer to Renjun, “Mum, Dad, please stop fighting.”

“What—”

“Hyuck—”

Donghyuck ignored both of them, “Let me cuddle Renjun in peace.” He says.

“I want in too,” Jaemin suddenly whines, looking like a child.

“Why don’t you then?” Donghyuck says and before Renjun knows it, Jaemin’s already on his other side, hugging him.

“Hyuck meant that you should cuddle him,” Renjun says, “Not me!”

“Nuh-uh,” Hyuck mumbles, “You’re a whole living bolster, our cuddles are all yours.”

Renjun groans, “What did I do to deserve this?”

“You love us,” Jaemin and Donghyuck say in sync.

“Sadly.”

 

* * *

 

  _"Jaemin?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I smell something burning.”_

_“Shit.”_

 

* * *

 

_“Why don’t you believe that I co-cooked this?”_

_“Because Jaemin’s face is full of disbelief.”_

_“Jaemin you traitor!”_

_“What did you even do?”_

_“Bought the ingredients.”_

_“How does that make you co-cook it?”_

_“Well, it wouldn’t be made without the ingredients, right?”_

 

* * *

 

_“Hyuck, Jaemin?”_

 

_“Yeah?”_

_“Mhmm?”_

 

_“Thank you.”_

 

* * *

 

(Later that night, Renjun confronts  Jaemin.

_“You didn’t have to do all of that, Jaemin.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Then why did you?”_

_“I’m not expecting anything in return, Renjun.”_

_“But—”_

_“I just want you to be happy.”_

Renjun blames the weather and caffeine for the sudden way his heart pounded faster in his chest.

 _Damn caffeine._ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: [ @xiaowangzinjun ](https://twitter.com/xiaowangzinjun)  
> Curiouscat: [ @xiaowangzinjun ](https://curiouscat.me/xiaowangzinjun)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter !!!

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me! Scream at me! Let's be friends!!! uwu
> 
> Twitter: [ @xiaowangzinjun ](https://twitter.com/xiaowangzinjun)  
> Curiouscat: [ @xiaowangzinjun ](https://curiouscat.me/xiaowangzinjun)
> 
> A big thanks to all of my beta readers !!! I love you guys dearly !!!! thank you so much !!!


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